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| sincerely disregard 2008-01-23 ch 1,  | abuseI like the feel of this, but it doesn't seem quite finished to me. Not the ending, the ending's great (love the line: The last crossing of Annie Hobbes. It is very old western), but something about the piece doesn't seem to go full circle. I don't know what it is exactly, I'll just read it again and see... ok still can't quite catch it, but I do find the idea that no matter how late Annie Hobbes is, she still gets there before Benjamin Hodges. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, this is still really nicely written despite my stupid ramblings. |
| Luna Turner 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abuseExcellent. I love your word usage. Amazing. I like the idea. It's not one of those cliche love stories people write about two kids who've known eachother their whole lives falling madly in love. At first, (since I'm a sucker for love stories), I was like "Aw... darn." But now I see that's a good thing. The only thing I'm going to contradict, is that I would love to know what Ben looks like.:] You'll love me forever if I read "Anecdotal Evidence? Tempting... :] |
| Sebastian Osprey 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abuseFirst Comment! ...Though I'm sure there'll be a lot more. This is a fantastic piece of writing. I love the part at the beginning where it goes "she's twenty-two--she's fourteen--she's eleven--she's four"; it's a brilliant way of showing how long they've known each other. |
| ShhadowScratch 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abuseThat they were together even when their first names were called made me laugh. This is cool because it's something almost everyone can relate to, and it keeps you interested because it's the end of something at the beginning of a story. I'm intrigued as to where this is going, since it's NOT a romance story, lol. Good job, :) |