|Reviews for Facades|
| R. Ficst 10/11/12 . chapter 12
Nice work. Much enjoyed.
| PervEcToy 10/27/11 . chapter 12
I figured you were from somewhere along SE Asia, considering the usage of "hand phone" instead of "cell phone"/"cell". :D
I like how you didn't make uselessly boring descriptions in the story, because I've been losing my patience in reading anything since some years ago. :
| Mythisea 4/11/11 . chapter 12
Absolutely loved this story (: I even went back and read it over again. And again. Devin and West are so cute! I actually really like the style this story is done in, with how the dialogue's written and such. To me, it seems more realistic since it's not a polished drama that people expect on here. I'm not getting into the whole better/worse thing, but as a reader, I enjoyed this one more than ones with a more-accepted style of writing. My only two suggestions/improvement comments were that you changed to "Jean" instead of "Iris" now and then, and I thought the motorcycle accident should've come back at some point. It just kind of . . . tapered off. I was glad to see it come back in the sequel for some drama, but more could've played out about that.
| bs49184 11/25/10 . chapter 1
| pinkguppie 9/17/10 . chapter 7
You've switched to Jean at the end of this chapter - do you mean Iris?
| Dorchise 7/26/10 . chapter 12
Well my review will be basically pointless since this story is a few years old but just in case your writing hasn't changed or you were thinking about possibly rewriting this story (slim chance most likely) here's some things.
a. You should try to be more descriptive instead of describing a scene every once and a while. Like in the beginning of Chapter 8. Now granted, sometimes this type of writing (random dialogue that actually turns into something) can work out but taking into consideration that most of your story is written like this it was really confusing about what they were talking about, even more so than what it would have been, until we read ["I'm telling you, it's not for me. You go ahead," West added, surveying the carnival ride. "I'll just wait here for you."] Because we, or at least I, felt like I should have known what they were talking about before this.
To add onto this, I believe that the end of Chapter 7 with Devin's broodiness was the only time it seemed like the story was a bit more realistic because of the all the paragraphs and what went into them.
b. There was a lot of unnecessary dialogue in each chapter as well. Now to be fair, yes, we all sometimes have conversations like this with our friends but there is a difference. This is a story, fiction. As readers we just want to read through everything without any glitches. The bantering can be cute but it detracts from the story, same goes for whatever-one-would-call-this:
(When Iris and Joe got together in Chapter 8)
[Joe jerked his shoulder. "Well, he told Flynn. It didn't go down well, apparently. I don't know. West was sketchy on the details. He's miserable, you know."
"No. I mean, yeah, West is miserable. But so's Flynn."
"How'd you know?"
"I went over to see him. He's staying with his cousin – Peter. He looked really bummed. Kind of freaky, actually, considering how hyper he is most of the time."
"I thought something was off. He was moping around the house all day yesterday. Hasn't gone out today."
"No. West. Jeez, how would I know what Flynn's up to? Get with the program already, okay?"]
I mean if you felt like us readers wouldn't understand who was being talked about then you could have DESCRIBED who it was after the dialogue, (possibly: "blah blah blah" said joe, talking about so and so) instead of as a guessing game. I am more of a beta myself and not a writer so unfortunately I cannot give you a better example of what I mean but look into other accomplished writers stories, take note of how they do it and try to do the same.
Try to cut out the unnecessary parts and just write what we want to read. To be honest, after a while I just started skimming the page when I'd see dialogue and there's a lot of dialogue. So there could be a good chance that I might miss something important and I know you don't want that to happen but that was the case for me.
Okay, I have always liked when two rivals/enemies/people-who-don't-like-each-other get together. I just like the amount of testosterone thrown in, so that's what I was attracted to the story because I expected that. I was a little displeased though, so that's why I am giving you this constructive criticism and I hope you take it in and if you still need to apply it to your stories hopefully that will happen.
Alright, happy writing. Dorchise.
| Dark Lynnette 7/26/10 . chapter 12
This was a cute and sweat story. Loved the supporting characters and their antics.
| nuclearXsquid 11/4/09 . chapter 12
Ooh, yay! I really liked it! And it gave me some inspiration to work on my NaNoWriMo piece which involves two guys who nearly hate eachother and they end of falling for eachother.
| AlwaysForTheGay 10/6/09 . chapter 12
Whee! :D I loved it! So much! Some of it was a little difficult to read (with all the dialogue but not knowing who was speaking 100% of the time) but besides that OH MY GOODNESS! :D So much love. *hearts* Fantastic, wonderful, brilliant!
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 12
That was perfect delightful lovely I'm so happy and so going to read the sequel.
Don't worry about long enough arms. Arms go forever in cyberspace, and when you can't hug us we hug you back. *huge love-crazed squeeze and platonic lip smack*
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 11
*huge resounding squeal of joy echoes off mountaintops and shatters glass for miles*
Yes! Yes! *pumps arm in air in vistory* YES! They finally kissed each other!
*grin* Excellent job. Kudos.
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 10
Aw! *cries sadtears for all the boys and Iris*
You're story is very effective because it's very real. This is the kind of pain we really go through. It's hard, but it's great, though. I look forwards to seeing where you take this. Blessings be.
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 8
*wipes tear smudges away* Very good job. *sniff* Very beautiful. Tastefully handled.
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 5
Oh man, this is fantastic! I'm scheming just as hard as iris and Joe to see those two together- my face actually hurts from how much I've been smiling as I read this.
| Rainsoaked Archangel 9/23/09 . chapter 2
This is great! I love the way your people interact, it's very down-to-earth and real. I'm severely hooked on this already. Good job, fellow wordpainter.