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| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-02 ch 12,  | abuseI can't wait for the next one. And you're right, you did leave us hanging! |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-02 ch 11, | abuseThis chapter was really good. Better than a lot of them. I just thought of something, though. Why don't you try varying your sentence structure a bit? Participle phrases, gerunds, and complex sentences really improve a person's writing style. And also, when you're talking about the past in past tense, you use "had". Like, instead of saying "He told me she got a ring when she was my age." you say, "He told me she had gotten a ring when she was my age." Now this review is really long, so I'm gonna thank you for the shout out and hit the submit button. Thanks for the shout out! *hits submit review* |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-02 ch 10, | abuseEh, this was not one of your better chapters. The content was fine, but it was probably the worst chapter grammatically. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-02 ch 9, | abuseGood chapter, Flare. The scene with Flara's father had just the right amount of intensity in it. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-01 ch 8, | abuseVery cool. I liked the romance a lot. I can't wait to find out about this mysterious journey. This is where not being able to turn the page to the next chapter gets annoying... |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-01 ch 7, | abuse*resists the urge to make several bad Southern jokes* Well, that was...interesting. But I liked it. Good job. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-01 ch 6, | abuseHa, the dreaded father-boyfriend talk. I'm glad Ezra made it out alive. This chapter was a little better grammer-wise. Good job. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-03-01 ch 5, | abuseSorry it has taken me so long to review. It's good. Good story. The action scence could use a little work, though. But the plot is moving at a nice pace--not too fast, not too slow--and it's a good concept. One question, you're making it sound like there's only good and evil in your story. Remember there is grey area. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-02-02 ch 4, | abusePretty dang good, Flare. And, ooh, suspense for the next chapter. I can't wait. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-01-28 ch 3, | abusePretty good, Flare. I like Flara's (the character) struggle with what she's becoming. I also like Alek's innocence. It's really good, but did you bold the text? |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-01-26 ch 2, | abuseAwesome job, Flare. This story's going somewhere. |
| wingsgirl1313 2008-01-24 ch 1, | abuseAwesome job, Flare. The only problem is, you need to separate the convorsations. Everytime somebody new talks, it goes on a separate line. You don't usually mess that up. Whatever, it sounds like it's gonna be a great story. |