I think that whenever we, as poets, branch out into something different it takes awhile to really get comfortable into a new style. I do think that while this is interesting you are having some "teething" problems.

For me, in terms of punctuation, I was very unsettled by the flow of this piece. First of all, I wanted a definitive pause before the end, I'm thinking a period at the end of L7 would have worked better than a comma there (that would also be a great stanza break too). Also, ellipses need to have a space after them but I would recommend you not use them... it's almost too lazy to (if that makes sense).

You also seem to use smaller words, i.e. "the", "me", etc. in a weird way. For example, I think you could use a "the" before "delightful" on the second line but the "me" on the fourth line isn't necessary.

Line length is a bit all over the place too and it gives an uneven flow to what should be a smooth piece. The phrasing of "as gently the moonlight slide me into her" is awkward and a large contributor to the uneven flow.

Technical stuff aside, lets move onto the content and wording you use here. "Silky" for moonlight almost seems too obvious and as it is the starter and hook for the piece then I think some revision there would help. Ditto for "soft hands" and "throbbing night". Otherwise this does lean a little towards the cliched side in terms of the story but I think it could be very interesting with some more unique adjectives and images.

Overall, I like the basic premise. It has a lot of promise and it's great that you're trying new things. I've pointed out a lot of things because I feel that there are a lot of little things wrong with this piece but that with tweaking this could be very good.

Good luck,
Midnight

The personification is beautiful