FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-02-22 ch 1,  | abuseI like the piece.. the whole idea of the mother daughter connection being broken by someone is sad.. and the key metaphor is nice, but I might work on it a bit... you say it locked together your heart and then you say youre in each other's hearts.. that struck me as a bit repetitive.. and the line about the sun seemed out of nowhere... if you want to expand that metaphor that might be cool, but just with that one line it's a bit random A few grammar errors: Instead of the gentle mothers caress... mother's I’m her daughter and it seems like she through away the key.. threw Anyhow a really sad and wonderful piece PS If you're bored today check out the review game's review marathon.. there's a link in my profile |
| Sadie Lynn 2008-01-28 ch 1, | abuseI thought that this was well written... i liked the thought that went behind this... Just remember that even if your world seems to be crumbling around you... the one person you can always count on is your mom!! You might be her rock but you are also her world ~Sadie Lynn~ |
| donsilvercat3 2008-01-25 ch 1, | abuseAs a poem it is great. Strong emotion clearly expressed with great feeling. Also technically there does not seem to be any flaws. I feel this is very autobiographical. If this does tell the story of actual events and feeling in your life then you have my sympathy and support. Everyone has periods of emotional upheaval in their life; it will pass but there will be others. While you are emotionally more aware about your life than most people you are also a survivor and all the conflict in your life will make you a stronger more mature person. don. |