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| Mad for Figs 2008-02-19 ch 1,  | abuseWow, I am ridiculously behind on this review, and I apologize greatly. O.o Anyway, back to the story. One thing, there were a LOT of names and that sort of threw me off. I know it probably shouldn't have? But it still did. It felt like you just kind of put in random names for characters that never really had any depth. I feel like if you just stuck with Jacob, Blake and Blair/Amity, whomever, it'd be fine. But back to the good stuff. I really liked it. Absolutely adorable. It made me smile when Blake finally took the time to look up. The descriptions were quite clear, the unwillingness of Blake to follow through with this was prominent, unless you weren't trying to portray that? But you get the gist of it. Overall, I really liked it. If it's a one-shot, I like where it's at. However, if it's going to be continued, there may be details lacking. But good job. |
| LachelleMarie 2008-01-30 ch 1, | abuseSo far, so good. You seem to be going towards a bit of a cliche with the whole kinda of competition for some type of signifigant other going well. I do like your overall prose, but the overall tone of the story varies from the top to the bottom. At first the top one seems more serious and more cynical but then you get to the bottom it seems a bit more humorous. I am looking foreward to where you are going to take this, LachelleMarie (reviewers found) |
| incandescente 2008-01-30 ch 1, | abuseThis chapter is funny. Not as laugh-out-loud outrageous roll on the floor mirth, but I am sitting here in front of the computer screen, smirking slightly. So I guess the humor part of the story was well done. At first, I was rather confused. Blake? Meagan? Women? It became clearer in the second to third paragraph, so that was good. :) The story seemed to be more of a stream of consciousness kind of linking thoughts.. and it was coherent, so kudos for that! :) I enjoyed the foreshadowing Amity Ryder when Blake heard the girl's name.. How he liked her, etc. My question here is 1) Why is her name different from what he knew of it 2)Why and how did she happen to be there 3) does she like blake, or knew blake would be there and so on and so forth. these are questions that you should consider answering if this is not a once-off short story. :) there's enough intrigue for more. continue writing! |