Honestly, i can't stand fantasy stories, but there's something refreshing about yours. Perhaps, it's the silly-ness of it or the the uncanny princess? I love this and can't wait till you update next week. I'm interested to know what will happen next...

Loved it. More please. I love humorous fantasys like this.

oh no! dead unicorn!

well, this parody is already better than most serious stories. keep up the good work!

I could not stop laughing! It's absolutely brill.

This could be good, but I feel a bit like you're forcing the satire down my throat. You don't need to tell us every time you use a cliche. There are places where telling us works fairly well. One example is 'looked up at the king with her clear as crystal, cornflower blue (as per fantasy ordinance 234) eyes.

Then there are instances, including '“Darling!” boomed the king (in traditional fantasy fashion)' which leave me sitting here thinking "But I knew that! I knew it was a cliche, I swear I did."

On the other hand I really enjoyed some of the repetition, such as the loyal subjects occasionally having a line in unison. I can almost imagine a conductor standing there telling them when to come in. Fantastic.

And on one very minor note, saying that '(their lines, of course, having been scripted years in advance)' stretches my credulity. I think I see what you're trying to get at with the line, but if you just took out the word 'years' my credulity would go back to being able to sleep at night.

I enjoy a good parody or satire. I haven't seen enough of this one to feel comfortable saying whether it's going to be a really good one, but I will offer a few stray comments that occurred to me as I went through.

Note: When I quote from the story I'm reviewing, I normally put the quoted material inside asterisks -- * like this * -- to mark the differences between what I'm quoting and what I'm saying about it.

A couple of points:

1. The chapter title tells us a curse is not removed in this chapter. Wasn't it? As this chapter ends, Gwendolyn is still unburdened by the curse that previously rested upon her -- or at least she thinks she is. (It's hard for me to tell if there's any truth in that claim, given that we don't know what the curse was, and don't see anyone testing for its presence or absence as Gwendolyn emerges from the woods. Heck, I don't even know for sure if there ever WAS any real evidence that she actually had a curse! For all I know at this moment, the witch who claimed to have cursed her may have been bluffing, all those years ago.)

Granted, you could make the nitpicking point that no curse gets removed onstage "during" this chapter -- it got removed several minutes earlier, before Gwendolyn emerged from the forest. But I don't recommend that line of argument -- as it now stands, readers are likely to get annoyed by the disconnect between what the chapter title says and what the chapter actually delivers.)

This leads us to my next point:

2. * “Oh, it's not that,” said the princess bitterly. “She removed it, all right. No longer do I turn into an enormous frog each night, or fall asleep for a hundred years every time I prick my finger while sewing, or whatever the curse was. I forget. She removed it just fine.” *

Even though I know this is meant to be satire, I find my suspension of disbelief suffering badly when I try to persuade myself that the princess can't even remember whether or not, as recently as yesterday night, she turned into an enormous frog because of her curse. If you replaced "turn into an enormous frog each night" with something else, something that could someday happen to her in theory if triggered by certain circumstances, but has never actually happened in practice, then it would be easier for me to believe that the nitpicking details of the curse had slipped her mind. (The other possibility she mentions, about being put to sleep for 100 years, is -- I take it -- in that category of "it could happen in theory, but so far it hasn't.")

Beyond that, I'll offer one bit of constructive criticism on the nitpicking details of how you wrote a certain passage:

* At this, having apparently used all her energy speaking in italics, the princess sank to the ground gracefully, her completely impractical pink ball gown (standard princess issue, model B) cushioning her like a cloud of something pink and fluffy (which the author has been forbidden as describing it like a giant pink wad of cotton wool, on the basis that it's not romantic enough). *

That last part in parentheses seems a little off, grammatically speaking. I'd probably edit that sentence as:

At this, having apparently used all her energy speaking in italics, the princess sank to the ground gracefully, her completely impractical pink ball gown (standard princess issue, model B) cushioning her like a cloud of something pink and fluffy (the author has been forbidden from describing it as being like a giant pink wad of cotton wool, on the basis that it's not romantic enough).

P.S. I'm torn on whether or not the anachronistic reference to Sondheim is a good idea. If this were a story that took itself seriously, I'd say it was out of place. But as is, I'm kinda wavering back and forth until further notice.

review game! :)

this is really well written! i loved the part about her name... gwendolyn coming from all those other names (that i won't bother to type, since they're so long.).

i also like your "interior decorator" witch... :) that was good.

i think you may have over done the "fantasy ordinances" - the first few times were okay, but after a while, i think it began to weigh down the story. unless these have some sort of significance, it might be better to cut down on the number of them you use.

other than that, it's a nice little humor piece. will wait for the actual plot to arise... (something about the prince, i hope? XD) keep writing!

-Lefty

Hehe, good for a quick giggle.

“She's become . . . an interior decorator.”

so funny... the little notes by the author make it even better as well. i didnt notice any grammer/spelling but then again i woulnt anyway =)

~Soul

Wow. Your first review has a problem. O.o

I personally thought it was very nicely done. It's nice and witty (though sometimes you do push it a little too far. A couple parts seemed a little forced). I'd honestly like to see where this goes. :) Interesting.

I like it... Can you update soon! I'm trying to think of some critque as you asked for on your profile but not much is wrong, I have to say. As it's a rewrite you've had time to catch most of the errors. At times the tone can get a little grating but that's just an opinion and most probably purposeful! I'll leave it at that and drop by to review the next chapter.

Okay
for sarcastical you are! even though you keep misspelling it!

You said you wanted true review then here you go!

First, not enough descriptins okay its good humour but no description? Sorry but that is bad in a story!

Make your dialogues more realistic and true, its unnatural how they spaek!

More adjective please! She said sardonicly with a liitle smirk!

Okay, and i think you have a big ego problem!

A that talk in your profile, you redculise your self!