Reviews for A Story of Us - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: A Story of Us - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Youkai Author 2008-06-14 ch 11,	abuseI thought it was funny that Lord Alexi said he doesn't bite. No, he doesn't. Because he prefers to roast you quickly with lightning. Anyways, I like how you let the majority of the wolves go free. That way there wasn't a clear line between good and evil. Because really? That's not always the case.
Youkai Author 2008-06-14 ch 10,	abuseThis chapter has good imagery of the fight...I liked reading it. And for whatever reason I never expected you to actually kill anyone, but I'm glad you did.
clair-a-net 2008-06-11 ch 11,	abuseThats awesome he brother is the head of the concil how cool. I want to see there reaction to this. Did they all know?
Nicola Guills 2008-05-31 ch 5,	abusei started reading your story and i must say that it was very interesting. My only suggestion would be that instead of telling the readers what is going on, you should show. lemme see if i can give you an example: Instead of just saying she 'changed', try and describe how she feels when she changes and what happens to her body. (just one instance) um, lets see, um for example: She croutched, feeling the omnimous tremble of her lower back that annouced the chance. Her teeth elongated into deadly incisors, stretching her mouth into a narrow snout. The cutting wind ceased its assult against bared strips of skin as they became blanketed by course a brown fur that snaked across her arched back and down her arms to the sharp claws curling from her fingers. Wow! That came out of nowhere. Its not perfect but you see my point right? Regardless, this story is really cool. Cool enough to keep me reading dispite my 3-second attention span. congrats! -nicola
Tatharwen 2008-05-06 ch 9, anon.	abuseAh! What a horribly suspenseful place to end! You will have to update quickly... ;-) It's a fun read. Keep writing!
Youkai Author 2008-05-05 ch 9,	abuseAck! Another cliffie! And I sense a potential last-minute save for Kristi...though wouldn't it be interesting if that's not what happens?
Lionesscouer 2008-05-01 ch 9,	abusegr... here i wait and wait impatiently for another chapter to this great story.. and you give us a cliffhanger.. so not fair.. heh heh.. love it still! I like the addition of the council.. and look forward to learning more about their part in this! Write more please
clair-a-net 2008-05-01 ch 9,	abuseOh goodness i hope they get there in time. What is the council waiting for? Update soon. I have to find out what happends.
clair-a-net 2008-04-15 ch 8,	abuseGood stuff. I cant wait to find out what happens in the next chapter. Update soon.
Youkai Author 2008-04-13 ch 8,	abuseI'm glad you included WHY the other pack wants to intrude. It adds to the plausibility of the story. And curse you. Cliffie.
Youkai Author 2008-03-19 ch 7,	abuseI like your description of the scout. Even though you didn't even spend an entire paragraph on him, he still comes across as a distinguishable character. Also, I'm excited for the battle. You've lead up to it well, and I like that you wrote "the largest battle any of them had ever faced; and the only battle for some." I could be interpreting it wrong- but is someone going to be seriously hurt? As for who should fight the best- my vote is Tarren. Time for him to show us what he can do.
Youkai Author 2008-03-19 ch 6,	abuseOnce again, be sure to watch the order of your paragraphs. I don't mean to be picky, but the second big paragraph is in an odd spot. It doesn't make much sense to talk about the cut, switch to how some of them met, and go back to the cut. All in all, good for a filler chapter. :)
Youkai Author 2008-03-18 ch 5,	abuseJust as a little warning: some of your sentences are baby run-ons. Watch for repeating previous information. It was a good choice to have some normal interaction between Krissi & Tarren. Otherwise, you might've had some trouble keeping the plot going.
Youkai Author 2008-03-18 ch 4,	abuseThe image of Isaiah hoisting Meredith over his shoulder made me laugh...I totally wasn't expecting that. Splendid cliffe...and I'm curious. What happens to their clothes when they 'change'?
Youkai Author 2008-03-18 ch 3,	abuseThe idea that the wolves share a common mind in their canine form is really interesting! Seems like it could come in handy eventually. Although...the paragraph's placement is kinda strange. You might want to bring it up if something happens to the wolf on patrol. Otherwise it's just a random mention. And I like the underwear scene. XD

Return to Top