FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Tawny Owl 2008-06-22 ch 1,  | abuseI love the premise of this. I think you have a brilliant idea here. All the best ones do seem to come from random dreams. ‘the water was as much a brother as a killer of sons.’ – liked this line, added to the ‘olde world storytelling’ nature of the piece, and was just a nice detail to include. Can’t make up my mind if I liked the change from the narrator to the museum heist though. It was good in some ways because the narration bit is quite long, but the fact that the other bit was so short made it seem a bit random. That could just be me though. Spotted a few mistakes as well: ‘ feeling to much like a stranger – should be too The women gave to him three children who the gods above blessed at their birth – woman not women standing in front of his – him in contact threw marriage and a near constant exchange of messages. – through This seems like a really harsh review, but I did enjoy reading it and would like to see where it goes. |
| Le Pecore Nere 2008-02-18 ch 1, | abuseit's great so far b^-^d it's very interesting, and I like the way things are turning out. Good plot, nice imagery, and so far the charactes are devoloping (kinda, well the only character we've met so far) keep up the good work, and UPDATE SOON! ~->LPN |
| Dreams of death by Chocolat 2008-01-27 ch 1, | abuseThis is quite amazing I would love to read more. Please update. |