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| Guitarshredder34 2008-02-01 ch 6,  | abuseI like it so far but it really should have been about two chapters by now i think u mite be condensing chapters to make it seem like youre writing more, but it's kind of cool it would be nice for some more background information and you should make shure this doesnt turn into some supid teen sports movie wiht him preparing for the big tournament and everything going perfectly and getting the girl at the end this is supposed to be sci fi fantasy spice things up |
| Elekti 2008-02-01 ch 6, | abusedefinitely a good story. hopefully you have more written and will post it soon. I'll post my next chappie this weekend. by the way, I'm not sure if I should be flattered at the fact the your lead female in "Named" after me. |
| Enderrises 2008-01-31 ch 5, | abuseNicely done. If I could request one thing from this story it would be detail in the fights to come. But still, I am loving it. |
| Enderrises 2008-01-30 ch 4, | abuseNicely done. If you make the girl he is in the bath with now and the girl from the past it will be an excellent little twist. But I think I would prefer it if it wasn't. One thing's for sure: you have my attention. Keep it up! |
| Enderrises 2008-01-29 ch 3, | abuseGood chapter... My only problem is that Fire's name slowly changed from Fire to Red. But all in all awesome work. |
| Enderrises 2008-01-28 ch 2, | abuseNot bad... I'll be keeping up with the story. I like the way you set Denkou up, especially relating to the bath girls. The first chapter is... odd. It feels like it should be put at the beginning of the second. Have you ever read the Ender series by Orson Scoot Card? He begins each chapter with a conversation, or a series of emails between characters, or some sort of piece that sets the mood of the chapter. It seems like the first chapter should have been put at the beginning in that fashion. This story has good potential. I'd like to know more about the world around them, that's for sure... but I'm assuming you will set that up in later chapters. |