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Reviews For: I owe my enemy my life - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

She Had Somewhere To Go.
2008-03-18
ch 1,
abuseHello there! Since you've reviewed my story (Nobody's Fault But Mine) I figured I'd return the favor and review your story. So I'll start by pointing out any mistakes and then tell you what I thought of the chapter!
Errors/Mistakes I found:
- "You have to come?"
The context of this sentence doesn't require a question mark, it needs a period or an exclamation mark. I know, not important, but still, it's the first line of your story, and first impressions are always big!
-This school year was one I wanted to end as soon as I could. And it did, eventually.
Never start a sentence with 'and' or 'but', it's a fragment, here's no exception. haha :)
-I put my head down, I could feel all the blood rusing down, and brought my head back up.
Typo? Rusing isn't a word, you're probably looking to use 'rushing'.
-Going to his party would be like...eating an ice-cream of the floor.
Use 'off' instead of 'of'.
- All around me I could see people making out, and it was the full on, why-don't-you-get-a-room ones.
This sentence is kind of unclear. Maybe you'd prefer to say 'All around me I could see people making out, and it was the full on why-don't-you-get-a-room kind of making out.' Still, I'm unsure because the sentence is unclear.. :)
-The guy started to take pull my dress down.
Use either 'The guy started to take my dress down.' or 'The guy started to pull my dress down.' In my opinion the second makes more sense though :D
- My salty tears still making their way down my face.
My salty tears were still making their way down my face. Without the 'were' it's a fragment.
-Even though there were tears in my eyes and so my eyesight was blurred, I could clearly make out the large muscular guy.
Confusing sentence. Try : Even though there were tears in my eyes and my eyesight was blurred, I could clearly make out the large muscular guy.
- I watched as Matt pulled the guy off of me and knock his lights out.
I watched as Matt pulled the guy off of me and knocked his lights out. (Just a tense thing...)
Alright, I'm done! Very few mistakes if you want my opinion! Anyways, I really appreciate that you've reviewed so much of my work and I will definitely review the rest of this piece when I have a minute. However, I try to make my reviews as full and as helpful as possible, so it takes some time! :)
animefreakgirl
2008-02-23
ch 3,
abuseIt's quite interesting now. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter. :)
Carefreecat
2008-02-23
ch 3,
abuseI like this story especially since stuff like this does happen. I like how Anna is so strong of course if I was in her position I would have clawed Scott's eyes out all the while yelling out how disgusting he was.
Anyways I like this story and can't wait till you put up another chapter!
SuperCUTEJensen
2008-02-04
ch 2,
abusegreat chapter...I feel sorry for Anna...I think that she should tell her brother or her mom..I like Matt cant wait for the next chapter
lilazndork
2008-02-04
ch 2,
abuseim loving ur story at this point so pls update soon! -lilazndork ;P
ladalada
2008-02-04
ch 2,
abuseaww.
you finally updated yay.
haha. jk.
i loved it.
it was lovely.
well
anyway
update soon
animefreakgirl
2008-02-04
ch 2,
abuseOuch...so that's what happened mainly. Well anyways it's a good chapter and just reading that last line well you now just left a cliff hanger for me and so I'll be looking forward to your next chapter. :)
animefreakgirl
2008-02-03
ch 1,
abuseHmm...not a bad start for the story. I'll be looking forward with your next chapter and I really want to know what will happen with Matthew's and Anna's relationship now. Hmm...really curious now so I'll be waiting until your next chapter is up. :)
ladalada
2008-02-02
ch 1,
abusei love it
this is a wonderful beginning
well
anyway
update soon
SuperCUTEJensen
2008-02-02
ch 1,
abuseI love it so far... really good..cant wait for more!
Miss perky
2008-02-02
ch 1,
abuseThat would have been terrible if Matt hadn't showed up,I really ** your story I could Imagine all that happening as I read I can't wait for chapter 2
Lochi
2008-02-02
ch 1,
abusehm seems to be interesting. it'd be nice to see more abour her and Matt when they were younger...just a thought...hope you'll update soon, I'd definitely read your next chapters :)
Ocean of Dreams
2008-01-30
ch 1,
abuseThis is really good! You should do something like, as you go on with the chapters fill in more and more about the past or something. keep it up!

OOD
Dreams of death by Chocolat
2008-01-30
ch 1,
abuseI like it. It's quite interesting. Can't wait for the next chapter.
DallasTheMalice
2008-01-29
ch 1, anon.
abuseHm...*strokes chin thoughtfully*...I like what you've got! I noticed that you can get a teensy bit ahead of yourself at times, and forget a couple words (like to, for, etc), but I really like this so far. You should definitely continue!
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