FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Imalefty 2008-05-25 ch 1,  | abusestraight from the review marathon! (link in profile) WOOT! george washington rules! it's amazing that you have a poster of him on your wall... XD i would expect some poster of a hott (yes, with two t's) guy... but no... george washington is there! :D you sound like me. XD either that, or you don't actually have a poster of washington on your wall... in which case, i would ask you to please get one. :) i like the contrast between the noble, classy presence of washington and the drunken teenager... it's a nice contrast. i thought the (i'm not going to feel guilty...) part was out of place... just because the other stanzas are thick and long. anyway, good job. keep writing! -Lefty |
| fusillade 2008-03-24 ch 1, | abusehaha great ending Most of the time it just sounds like prose with random line breaks, but it would sound really retarded as prose and it sounds good as a poem so I guess that's okay. The first two lines don't really make the poem sound all that promising. I don't know why, but it just seems like you're stating that yes, you have a poster of George Washington and then you're going to like, describe it or something. But no! Anyways, after the first two lines, it's good. I don't know if there's anything you could change the lines to or even if you would want to at all because sometimes being misleading is good. And since it gets better after that, it's fine. When I read it, I kind of forgot that you were talking about a poster Washington. You made him seem like a real person. Okay, well duh, he was a real person, but you made him seem like an alive person as in not dead and as in not made of paper. Which I think is a good thing. 'and the smoke on my lips and vodka in my eyes just won't stop dripping.' Has to be my favourite part. |