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| I Will Always Be S.tronger 2008-05-20 ch 17, | abuseWow this chapter was so beautifully written. Especially the last section of it with Jaguar saving her. Wow. Just wow. Well done. Please keep it up. |
| unlucky.thirteen.13 2008-05-18 ch 17, anon. | abuseCue the "aw" moment. Nice chapter, I was worried if you were ever going to update! But now you did and I'm happy, it was a great chapter. Things moved a little fast, but not too fast. =) Update soon! |
| Adrina Necia 2008-03-30 ch 16, | abuseJaguar wouldn't save her? That seems a bit odd. Is she going to be paired with Jaguar, or someone else? That would be an interesting turn of events, and perhaps you could develope a minor romantic interest with one of the soldiers to ruffle Jaguar's fur? I'm really just shooting ideas trying to figure out what you'll do next... Update soon! |
| I Will Always Be S.tronger 2008-03-24 ch 15, | abuseOk I'm going to actually give you a real review this time. I'm sure you probably know by now that you repeated the first sentence. And the Jaguar/Falcon relationship is inconsistent. You say when you are describing the tape of the spar that "No longer wee we enemies, we were dance partners." But ten paragraphs later, they are enemies again. Are they just enemies when they aren't sparring or does it only appear that they are dance partners? If they only appear to be dancing, consider something of the sorts of, "We no longer fought like animals proving dominance, but rather as dance partners; we were completely in sync with the other's movement that it was graceful." Not the best example, but I think that direction better sets up the fight that they have after he shoves her. Also you write, "When I had I agreed to that?" minor edit to "When had..." With all of that said, I really enjoyed this chapter along with all the others. And the direction of this continues to keep me completely enthralled. And with Jaguar flatlining, I can't wait to read what happens next. |
| unlucky.thirteen.13 2008-03-21 ch 15, anon. | abuseOh my goodness! Jaguar is flatlining? That can't be good... Update soon! |
| I Will Always Be S.tronger 2008-03-19 ch 14, | abuseI like the direction this is going, especially the Jaguar/Falcon relations. Can't wait to read more! |
| Adrina Necia 2008-03-14 ch 11, | abuseOh my goodness! She got shot? And why was that guy wearing a suit? Update soon, please! |
| Adrina Necia 2008-03-09 ch 10, | abuseOh, dramatic ending! I can't wait to see what happens next. How are Jaguar and Kacey going to get over their differences and work together to save the world? Update soon! |
| Adrina Necia 2008-02-29 ch 9, | abuseThis story is amazingly good. I'm honestly addicted to it already. Update soon! =) |
| I Will Always Be S.tronger 2008-02-29 ch 9, | abuseWonderfully written from start to finish. I am addicted. Can't wait for the next update! |
| hiddencloud9 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abuseWow. I really like your style. Maybe not the piece or the plot, but the style is beautiful. What I mean about the plot is that it just seems kinda... corny. No offense. I know this is in no ways a professional site, but I feel what you could produce if you had to sell the story and really had to make it incredibly original would outstrip this by far and just blow the readers away. |
| Moonlite Star 2008-02-22 ch 5, | abuseit has potential, but the atmosphere seems a bit too school like to be training cadets. keep writing. |