FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| XxBlackChaosxX 2008-02-01 ch 1,  | abuseOoh, I like this alot! I absolutely LOVE how some lines rhyme like a poem, and how it leaves me guessing as to what really happened between them, along with what was wrong with her. It's got the perfect doses of mystery and elegance. ~Chaos |
| Faith Adeline 2008-01-30 ch 1, | abuseI like it, but it does need work. First of all, remember to space your lines. Right now it's in one big clump and that makes it a little hard to read. Plus, include more detail, what does the boy look like? What do her surroundings look like? And, it needs more to it, because right now it just leaves the reader confused, like what? ha. ( it says complete, that's why I'm mentioning this) So, you've got potential, you just need to work on those things. :) Keep it up, and I hope to see more of this soon :) Faith |