FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| water lorelei 2008-02-08 ch 1,  | abuseNicely done. The wording is a little off sometimes, but over all very good. There's a few comma issues... but I'll spare you from my OCD. I really loved this: "But it is not there that tiny spark/ That is supposed to belong between us,". The flow was nice during that part. Yay! -Rachel xoxoxoxo |
| Blissfully Sarcastic 2008-01-31 ch 1, | abuseAwh. Cute, little poem. I got thrown off, though. "That I can't just want What it is I know I should" I'd change the wording just a little bit... Because I thought the "can't" was a "can," so I had to read it a few times over to get what you meant. (But that just might be because I'm retarded.) I'd combine each set of two lines into one line, just because it seems a little choppy otherwise. But it's good, and I like the fact that you strayed from all the "I like him, but he doesn't like me," poems that are so popular nowadays and reversed it. Good job with that, and good job with adding the guilt factor. |