Wow, I must say your narration enthralls me. I'm shocked I read the whole thing all at once. Then again I really enjoy it so... yeah. Kdh.

Wow, I love this story so far. The use of the journal entries combined with the steampunk feeling is awesome. I reading this like crazy. Kdh.

I'm enjoying how this story is written. Plenty of cliffhangers and suspense. I hope more updates will be coming soon.

I am very much enjoying this story. It's a blend of alternative history, discover, bizarro fantasy, and other fun things. A question: So the narrator is now recounting the events that drive him into the wasteland in the first place, correct? Early time for last entry.

So this is a fantastic alt. history, I figure. The narrator appears to be Christian, and invokes several archaic style references. This reminds me of a post apocalyptic Mad Max of sorts with a dash of Ivalice from Final Fantasy Tactics, and perhaps some Mieville styled Bas Lag in there.

I'm loving this story so far. The use of the terms Cathayan and Breton invoke archaic names for China and Britain. Is this an alt. history, fantasy world, or combo? Either way, fun concept.

Yeah, I settled on Kredokai. I'll amend that at a later date.

Definitely getting more interesting. I'm curious about this book and just why Guerrun is searching for it. The bit about the war with the Kredodai was neat, but is it Kredodai or Kredokai? Towards the end of the chap about the war, you shift from one to the other.

The narrative style works, I think. The rambling introduction, the journal entries (one of which being written out of fear), and the last entry do quite a job at keeping things fresh.

Hope to read more. )

-dreamshell-

The day I demand, beg for, or evenly politely request reviews is a cold day in hell, but thanks guys, I do appreciate them.

One glance at the first chapter and I wanted to stop reading, until I glanced down at the last sentence and my attention was caught. I actually understand why the first paragraph is so long; it's because someone is talking and rambling. So I continued.

The second chapter was good. I liked how it seems to be in journal form. I was hoping that the narration would be in second-person, meaning "you", "me" and "us", but the form of a journal makes the journey seem more scholarly. I especially liked the description of the sunset.

Chapter three is my favourite, next to chapter six. It's because I like history, so I got really into it. The prospect of trench warfare was interesting, and it seems that the world you have created is being played out perfectly.

For chapter four, I really liked how it was short and you broke it off in mid-sentence. It seemed like what a person would do if they were panicked. I couldn't help but feel scared for him and picturing him dropping his journal to run away.

I liked how in chapter five Joshua apologies. I keep imagining this "Jymal" character, by the way you're describing him, as an insect. I do wonder if your world is full of aliens.

Chapter six is my favourite. I liked how it is short, concise and to the point. I almost laughed because I thought it was ironic how he was so sure it were human beings following him. But it's not human.

Anyway, I thought of reviewing every chapter (so that you get more reviews :P), but I'm too lazy. Hopefully this long one will do just as well.

In conclusion, I like how Joshua is a scholar instead of the jock-type hero. I hope you continue this soon. :)

Dude, I can't even read this. You have some serious paragraphing issues. Stop before you go any further and go back and edit. Taking a quick glance at chapter 2 and you've got much of the same problem although you have made some effort to break the text apart.

Some of you're sentences are far too long, "no wind on those plains, of course, but one of the wizards they had back in those days-real wizards, I mean, not those strutting peacocks that pass for ‘em these days-did something godawful with the sky, and next thing you know, a gigantic storm blew up, scattering the remains across the lands outside." That's one sentence!

A fun narration. It definitely pulls me in, makes me curious. The mix of dystopic fantasy and some elements of Christianity is a neat idea, too. I'll read more if you write more.

-dreamshell-