FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| fusionbeam 2008-06-26 ch 1,  | abusewell the story could be a bit more descriptive i missed the introduction to the characters you started the story like its five chapters in already established then the first chapter besides that fairly imaginative would a footnote that explains the two factions and their origins would be nice |
| robertrehcra 2008-02-05 ch 1, | abuseWell it took me a while but I am finale done reading A Darkest Knight Errors... “He attached it to his shoulder and the arm came to lift with a whirling noise.”= came to life with a whirling noise. Maybe? Or maybe you meant lift? But I like life better. “They found themselves, after a few moments, up in an area that could see the mine clearly, but was hidden from view from the mine itself.” = up in an area where they could see the mine clearly, but were hidden from view, ( An area can’t see but it can have a clear view ) You also used Swordman instead of Swordmen but over all it was well written with few errors. Way better than anything I ever write. I was a little confused by the tech level at the start but as it went on it felt like you knew exactly where it was so it might have just been me. As well as the story is written I can't help but feel like something is missing. By the end of the story you had me wondering about the true intentions of the church, the second voice in the cave, what their next mission would soon be and why swords were so prominently used with multi-shot guns being so readily available. But.. It took till the end for me to be interest in the future and where as I like the two main characters I don't yet feel attached to them. I could have easily missed something because it took me three different sitting to finish reading it. Over all it is dramatically 'better' written then most stories on here. And I like the length of it, most stories are far to short on here, and I would grade it a b plus in the end. PS Loved point of view switching, you did it perfectly. Keep Writing Keep Reviewing |