hmm..It was a good story thank goodness that nothing like that happens now
God bless you :)

i was really following this story, but the cuss word at the beginning through me off and i didn't read anymore. When this is supposed to be a story about a christian girl, a true christian, i couldn't believe she would be saying the word you wrote. I'm sorry, but i can't read any more of it. I thought this was a genuine christian story, but i was wrong. I hope you one day realize that flithy language is not christian, and that if you are truly christian then you would feel something terribly wrong inside of you when you say words like that. May God bless you and help you to realize the reality of the situation :)

i loved it. you should write more... maybe have god save them... i'm saved and i agree with you all the way.

Uh... it may be just me, but that is a crapy ending. I can see were you are trying to go with this, a ending that doesn't seem too sad, but you need to continue. Just my thoughts.

Wow, that ending kind of did bother me. So sad though! It is hard to stand up for God when faced with that dilema but I could only hope I would be as brave as Zoe. It was a good story and well written! Love always, God Bless, Beccs! ^_^

FREDDY! I'm sorry, but you totally did not do justice to my dream. Let me rephrase this because that sounded mean; this did not turn out the way I thought it would *shoulder shrug* but it was still good! it just didn't sound as grown-up as your other stories

loved the last part! cant wait for more
x

interesting story - very reminiscent of one I had posted on Fictionpress (Faith Seeking Understanding), which also opens with a young woman refusing to deny her faith in God at gunpoint during a school shooting - and dying for it.

It's been years since I've been in high school (six years, scary enough!) so I can't really tell how pitch-perfect your dialogue is, but it seems legit. ;) One thing I would really appreciate in your story is a bit more description. What does Zoe look like? What's her school like? What did it feel like to be locked in that van??

One trick that I've encountered in my own writing classes is one way to heighten emotion in a scene is, strangely enough, to slow down and describe the setting with restrained emotion. What's it like to look at a cloud out a window, knowing that you're looking at it for the last time?

good luck
RVL

I am very interested to see where this goes. As for criticism, There seems to be no police, fire department, or bystanders. It also seems that you didn't give the other students a voice. I need to feel, see, and hear the character as they are. Otherwise, you seem to be a fairly decent writer.

oh my gosh! No! Please update soon!!

That was a cool story and I hope nothing like this happens soon!
Write on!
Pen.Dragon
PS:Jesus Rocks

swet. you updated. good chappie. is it over now? it was short...

i guess i'll give you the clickable markers when i see you on wednesday...unless you come and watch us at the Sweetheart Tournament for scholasticbowl...PLEASE...i'll give you a cookie, freddy

Oh, nice cliffhanger. Now I feel it is imperative that you make the teacher CARE. Even in the worst cases of teachers, they will still protect you. I think this has potential. For now, 8.5/10
RRDT

Ooh see now I'm intrigued! I wanna know what happens next! Great start!


Beccs! ^_^

SUSPENSE!

update soon, or once again, NO CLICKABLE MARKIES