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| Faith Adeline 2008-05-13 ch 4,  | abuseI liked it, but I really don't like that he was just like, "live in the moment" when he has a fiancee who loves him. I dunno. . .I'm not a fan of cheating. But it was a good chapter, that aside. Faith |
| CandanyBaby 2008-03-10 ch 3, | abuseupdate soon |
| Faith Adeline 2008-03-09 ch 3, | abusegood chapter, although I'm not too crazy about him cheating on his fiancee. Just me ha. But-t-t-t you do switch between present and past tense, so work on that. Other than that, keep it up! Faith |
| fantasy4luvr 2008-03-09 ch 3, | abusegreat storyline update soon pls |
| Elizabeth07 2008-02-15 ch 1, | abuseThis story has promise.. But, I must say that Part one does not seem to go with part two.. Who was the guy that called her on the phone in part one? And, what was going on in part two?.. In part one this mysterious guy calls her and she tells him to come over.. Then, in part two, nothing! I don't get it.. Was part one a dream?.. If someone called me that I don't know, I would freak out... In part two, you should have addressed the issue and continued somehow. Maybe in part two, she shrugs off the man as some practical joke, then, she decides she needs more chocolate and then, call her friend from there. Just a suggestion. |
| StarEyed14 2008-02-09 ch 2, | abusethat was super funny. lol, stareyed14 |
| chicavampira 2008-02-09 ch 2, | abusecan't waitmfor more...plz write more soon it seems funny to me |
| -Rock 'n' Rose Bubbles- 2008-02-09 ch 2, | abusehaha that was funny :) i like this, even though your chapters could be a little longer. your grammer and tenses are okay though, i didnt spot anything :) please update soon... |
| Faith Adeline 2008-02-08 ch 2, | abusehaha, the end cracked me up. And it's true, brunettes have the most fun. (go us) I'm still a little confused as to where this is going, but can't wait for more. So update soon!! Faith |
| Faith Adeline 2008-02-05 ch 1, | abuseI'm a bit confused. . . haha. I liked this chapter, but it needs work on grammer and punctuation. If you don't have time to, you needs a beta haha. (I remember talking about that a while ago.) I could do it for you, all you'd have to do is send me the chapter, I'd edit it, put a few suggestions in, send it back to you, you'd fix the suggestions and boom, post it. Haha. Currently I'm only beta-ing for one person, so it'd be no problem to squeeze you in. hehe. Oh! And, I'd love it if you could check out my story "prelude to a kiss" I think you'd like it. Just saying. (shameless promoting at best) back to you. sounds good, has potential, let me wanting more. which is good good good. One thing, is this a story, short story? hmm? Let me know :) Faith |