I'm thinking the "thats" in the first three lines could easily be removed and it wouldn't really affect this poem at all. Ditto for the "the" on the third last line (the comma on that line is unnecessary too). Those first three lines might work better as one sentence, particularly in terms of the flow and rhythm of this piece.

I can also see this in three stanzas with lines 1-5 as the first, 6-8 as the middle and 9-12 as the last. To get stanzas on here go to quick edit/preview after you upload the story. Backspace all the little breaks that FP makes then enter in carefully your own breaks. That should work, if it doesn't keep playing around in quick edit until it does.

Otherwise I do like this, I just think that with some tweaking it could be improved quite a bit.

Good luck,
Midnight