FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Delany Lamb 2008-02-06 ch 1,  | abuseVery interesting. The idea is wonderful, though the expression at times suffers for the sake of rhyme. The second line as an example of this. "stalk" seems very awkward. The lines: "He jumped forward as quickly as a fox But he couldn’t get far because of that homeless box He fell to the stones, frozen under the strangers figure" Leave me rather confused about who exactally is being stabbed, as both men are called 'the stranger'. I do like the movement of the piece though; fast pace=excited reader. Repetition of 'He' describing the stabbing is wonderful. Helps create that sort of rhymthmic beat I imagine a manic stabbing to have. Quite an enjoyable read. |