Zephyr! They can't kill my horse...
Hey, it is looking good so far. Glad you used my edits. Lurve you! I'll edit the next chapter ASAP!

AH! what a cliffhanger. i really like this story, you've done very well with explaining the charactoristics of your world. the one thing i'm a bit confused about Yohan's and Rae's age, other than that it was excellent!
i hope you update soon!

Great chapter, you're world is very interesting! It is captivating to say the least. Maybe when you are finished you could publish it? Just a thought. ^^

Mangahottie740

Wow, this is really an interesting start. I love Elves! Will you read my story, Black Moonlight? It's about my Elves.

You know, the summary seems a bit reminiscent to another story I read called Renko's Revenge, but I think yours was first.

Anyways, I'm going to continue reading now.

Mangahottie740

Great chapter.
Though I was hoping for some action in their escape.
But I do give you kudos for those twist in this chapter.
So far this is the best.
It's mysterious, tiny bit exciting, and with lots of twist.

I had only read the first chapter but so far it was good. Though there's something about this that still needs work. Maybe show a little bit more personality in each characters and maybe to see if Yohan (god I hope I spelled that right) had a life outside his family and I'm not yet sure if you've done this for the other chapters but if you try to explain the land like the government it would help. And also going deeper into Kile's little...I don't know how to say it...break down?...that way it could prepare readers. Because I was like "Wow, what just happen here?" I get you showing him not being around much but maybe a little more hints could do it.

So, now I am done. Don't hate me if I don't love it like OH MY GOD love it, but I definatly like it.

Update soon.

-Tomgirl.