FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Violet M. Aster 2008-02-27 ch 1,  | abuseI LOVE the idea. And the beggining was wonderfully executed. I feel like you make the end a little too obvious with the (she drink the pain away) line. Poetry should be able to speak for itself, you know? But it's wonderful. |
| adsaige 2008-02-11 ch 1, | abusemy oh my, that happens alot. such things do change. times and people change. |
| perpetual questions 2008-02-07 ch 1, | abuseA harshly realistic portrayal of all-too common circumstances. A think some of the lines were too short and therefor disrupted the flow. Also: "her white dress splashing against her feet" -- I like the word choice of "splashing", but is it necessary to say "HER white dress"? I think it would go more smoothly if you left out the possesive pronoun. |