Reviews for if just for a minute, or a second

Reviews For: if just for a minute, or a second

Harmonic Discord 2008-06-15 ch 1,	abuseI really loved the ending... as I was reading, the words seemed to become increasingly rushed in my head, but in a good way. The imagery is beautiful, especially "we draw lines from the scars we wear to the childhoods we lost" - that's such a cool way of wording things... My only criticism is that this part: twist up my mouth like a lie spread across my face feels oddly worded to me.. I think "spread" should be "is spreading" although I know that kind of disrupts the flow... -- Harmonic Discord, straight from the Review Marathon! (Link in profile)
Almsivi 2008-05-15 ch 1,	abuseThe bolded lines were a little distracting, but they did add more feeling to that part. I love how I can always see and hear your poems. The second stanza really stuck out to me because they were so small compared to the rest of the poem, as if the writer was cringing in a corner. Overall, another great job!
painted.music 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abusekonban wa . . . Stunning. Absolutely stunning. The whole bit. I can think of only one somewhat negative comment, and that's the repeating "lost" in the last stanza: first line and second. It just sounded redundant for no apparent reason. The first two lines created beautiful imagery... come to think of it, actually, the whole first stanza did. I loved the "black nailpolish" and the meaning of a smile. Beautiful. I loved (okay, there should be more than one verb for this... infatuated with, maybe?) the "if just for a minute." The "if" in there made it sound wistful, a lamentation almost. It made it beautiful; every word counts. ;) Just... just... stunning. I am stunned, appropriately for such an outstanding piece. Ha det -Shan-
simpleplan13 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseI really liked this a lot.. it flowed well and it was beautiful.. the part in the beginning about the black nail polish was great and I loved how you described why you smile... the rest of it is wonderful as well. The only thing that seemed odd was in the last stanza you have we lost and lost & gone forever... Im not sure if you rpeated lost on purpose or not, but if you did I would at least get rid of the and
diffident 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseOkay, I really really like this, and I'm putting it on my favorites, so don't take this critique the wrong way--this poem is excellent, but there are a few minor things I think could be improved. I don't like the "if" in the last line of the third stanza. It works in the title, and it works in the last stanza, but in the third stanza, it just muddled up the sentence. I had to reread it a few times. That might be due to the italics which separate it from its phrase. I'm not sure if the smile in the last stanza is the same as the smile in the first stanza (meaning you feel like screaming) but if it's a genuine smile, then it's contradicting yourself which muddles up the message of the poem. Personally, I like "if just for a moment" better than "if just for a minute" or "if just for a second". I think if you repeated minute or second or moment, the repetition would be an extra powerful kicker and a great last line. I do like the line break in the last two lines. It puts a lot of emphasis on "for a second". The same goes for the second stanza--very concise and dense with meaning. I also love how this poem seems so barefaced. You talk of hiding behind a smile, yet this poem is so truthful. Okay, this is a really long review, so I'll stop here. marie
purple x pen 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abusebeautiful, absolutely stunnig, its so pretty and tragic, i love it!

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