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| Tioma 2008-04-19 ch 2,  | abuseThis is really good, i just wanted to keep reading :) |
| ItalianBellaGabi 2008-02-16 ch 1, | abuseI must say that when I read on your profile that you're only about 14, I was very surprised. This is pretty good, and the story line is fairly complex. Anyways, I like it. Keep up the good work! |
| Cthulhu Is An Awesome God 2008-02-11 ch 3, | abuseThat was pretty cool, but I think it needs some work. Maverick is a bit too sarcastic and wisecracking for someone who's been used as a human guniea pig all his life. Mentioning Jason Bourne and other such things. I'd make him a laconic tough guy. Also, I think you switch point of view a bit too much. You need paragraph breaks or something to differentiate from the sniper, Maverick, the doctor, and other such things. Other than that it was pretty good and I look forward to reading more. |