exilent story line, description, and charecters. i felt as if i really was there watching, but i do warn you to whatch your simple spelling mistacs, an example is puting the word "out" when you ment to put "our".

NO!


JASPER WHY?!?!!
FALON WHY!?!??! AH

sigh...depressing =\

Read the whole thing. I am SO glad Prometheus recomended your story! Lol and his criticism on grammar is not unusual. He tells me all the time... Trust me... It's odd... On one hand I recognize that Jasper is a bipolar bastard and should die... But on the other... OMFG I FRICKIN LOVE JASPER! Pardon my outburst. Love your writing style. Can't wait for the sequel. Continue with your awesomeness...

AH!

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT AND I SAW IT COMING! YE GODS!

Wow, you're just like me. You save the climactic battle for the last page and then end it in the reader's faces to make them chew their nails for awhile.

Well I've got news for you:
I'M HOLDING YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR ALL FUTURE NAIL-CHEWAGE!
AH!

That you can make me feel this powerfully is a sign that it's good writing. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. Which means...

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

A sequel is NECESSARY!

OMG IT'S MEDIEVAL HIGH SCHOOL!
Lol...it's better than that.
And...predictably...she chooses Jasper.

Still in love with your writing. You're amazing.

HAHA!
Jasper's jealous of PETER!
Can I say "COMEUPPANCE"?
I'm still rooting for Taylor, although it looks like she's gonna go for Jasper and Taylor will hang with Jana. And Melanie and Reggie should come back too!

OH. A new culture. Always interesting. You describe it well. TWO CHAPTERS LEFT AND FALON HASN'T HOOKED UP WITH ANYONE.
And I'm still waiting for my climactic battle of doom.

Wow. Powerful right up towards the end. The only thing that bugs me is:
COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SPELLING ERRORS!
GAH!

But it's so rich and detailed, I love it anyway.

oh NOW Jasper has to be noble and good. >:(
He's still an arrogant bastard.
Very good execution (haha! Pun!) wih your writing.

WHOA!
You know how to keep the audience on the edge of thei seats. I'm glad I found a diamond in the rough, 'cause some of the stories on here aren't so fabulous. You are AMAZING. There will be a sequel. And that is not a question.

OH NO!
Roland seems like a bastard too.

Bastard Club now includes:
Patrick
Jasper
Roland
Lord Ross Loriant
All the pervy Klepsydra soldiers

Anyway, I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this story. A LOT.

Oh. Feelings of conflict and self-doubt. I PREDICTED IT!
I swear, if he gets Lord whats-his-face to kill Julius, I'm going to scream and stop reading.

Ugh. No matter how many times Jasper will save Falon, I'm still rooting for Taylor. And creeper-guy can just go to hell. He's TOO creepy.
Good writing.

Your character development is well-done, but still you persist with spelling and grammatical errors.

Maria and Julius make me happy.
YOU JERK.
You made me cry with that story about the little girl!
Which gives you an A++ on this homework.
Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!