Convoluted, but I think I like it. Lan really should have told Mel about the promotion. It's amazing he isn't angrier.

This should become a novel. It would be really cool.

I didn't see anything wrong with this story at all. I really, really loved it. ^_^ I only wish it was longer, simply because I wish it wasn't over yet (of course, that'd also mean that my eyes would still be glued to a computer screen when what I SHOULD be doing is turning off the computer and sleeping. >_>).

i was very good. i thought the first flash back was a lil lengthy, but the second one was good. btw, r u sure this was meant to b a oneshot? i could definately see u writing some great chapters bout this. either way, nice story :]

I don't think the flashbacks are too long... they fit well.

here's another quarter for your story i guess. i hope you get rich soon. :) btw, nice story, i liked the endng but the flashbacks were kind of to much i think i would have liked it better if u had focused more on the present situation. anyway, i like it allaround.

Oh. It was kind of a little confusing and not to my taste at the moment, but then again, I kind of skimmed-read, which I did for my short story assignment today too, which is kind of bad. Because short stories are so stupid and long and complex and scary. Anyways.

I found your characters very endearing and cared about what happened to them. In other words, nice job!

I love the way you combined the two stories together. It feels like either could have stood on their own, but blending the love story with the...what? I guess, baby love story? yeah, well, it's perfect. well done. update!

Oh, it's sparkly. I likes it.

I didn't find the flashbacks too long. I was a bit confused at first, but once I hit the first flashback I realized how you'd structured the story. It was a good story, lots of action, monsters, and a baby...what else could you ask for?