okay, for the... is it 3rd?... time, great job, i luved it! =D

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First of all I wanted to commend you on the premise itself. It's something that has been written about many times before but the brevity and vivid nature of this piece mean that it's not dull or trite.

However, I'm not so sure about two more technical aspects - punctuation and imagery. You seem to use a lot of adjectives or adverbs that clutter up some of the description or overstate your images (i.e. "against the velvety expanse of black above." could easily be "against the velvety black above." and "A lone cricket" doesn't really need the "lone"). I'd recommend keeping some of your descriptions more succinct. Also, in terms of punctuation, you virtually never need a comma before an "and", especially in a list. Also nearly all of your semi colons should be replaced with commas and you never use a semi colon before an "and".

All that said, I did enjoy the romantic feel of this poem and the abrupt nature of the ending. Kudos on that.

Midnight

An interesting piece, with a suspenseful ending. I liked the imagery, as well. :)

Thank you for review Bridezilla! I see what you mean by the introduction of characters but the sibling scene was meant more to develop Kris's character by having him interact with those who know him best. His siblings may or may not appear in the rest of the story.
As for "Thrall", I think it was incredibly well written. It reminded me of the poem "Siren Song" by Margaret Atwood, so the ending didn't surprise me. However the imagery was beautiful and the diction contributed to the phantasmic tone of the story.
One negative thing I can think of (and I bring it up only because you asked for both pro and con) is that I missed the spider imagery when I firs read it. I had to read it again to make sense of the last line. Still a great read.
Thanks again for reviewing my story!

I really liked this, it was amazing. The description was so detailed and I could completely imagine this in my head, it was short, but very very good. It was just...captivating, as I read it, I was just hanging on to every word. And the last three sentences were a perfect ending, I could FEEL the suddeness, and just imagine her eyes flying open and seeing the "spider" seconds before her death.

This was a bit confusing though, I didn't understand where a spider came from. Then I re-read it and I realized that the man weaved a web of words that trapped her and so he was a metaphorical spider.

I didn't get that he was a vampire though, you couldn't understand that from the story, though to me it doesn't really matter WHAT he is, just the fact that he has enthralled her and then at the right moment, attacked her. I also love how he gave her a chance to escape after his first story, but the illusion of happy endings and fantasy was so real to her, that she didn't escape when she had the chance.

The word choice throughout this is lovely. I like the description of her sense of happiness juxtaposed to the forboding overall tones of this piece.

The only thing I didn't like was the ending. I can't tell if the spider is a metaphor, or a literal spider that came out of nowhere, or if I should come away thinking that he killed her.

Other than the final vagueness, I think this is nicely done.

Very interesting, certainly different than your other works.

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I liked so much about this, the vocabularly was all very poetic, it flowed smoothly and was almost in itself mesmerizing. The lack of information compelled me to read on, wondering what was going on.

It was, however, confusing. I kept waiting for some sort of explanation, and though you offered a little, the creatures of the night, it felt to ... vague. I think it needs more of a sense of who he is and what happens.

Overall, excellent little one-shot.
Z

Oh this is so well-written! It was sad yet, as you said so eloquently, enthralling. Well done

Very well written, the word transition was well done.

This was gorgeously written, particularly at the beginning in the descriptions of his voice and his stories. The last two sentences were well done also, because of their suddenness (if that makes sense.) The reader can picturing it happening like that, lightning fast.

I can't find anything aboutt his story that I don't like, except maybe for the lack of character development. However, it's a short story, and it's not even really relevant, so it's okay.

I like the idea of this a lot, it scares but interesting too, I really like the stuff with fantasy and reality, this has caught me..

I honestly didn't get that the creature was a vampire - although it does make more sense now. I seemed to feel that it was more general, because of the power he had with words, and that it was those he used to trap her.
I did like this, it seemed a bit like a fairy tale. I think because of the description that you used and the fact that when the first story finishes it seems like she has a chance to escape and chooses not to.
The way you wrote this is very poetic, which I don't usually like because sometimes it can go on to much, I think in this context it worked though. You balanced it well with dialog as well, which helped to break it up. Ok, I rambling now. Enjoyed it, thank you.

Wow, I usually hate vampire stories, but I didn't even know until the end. Your descriptions seemed more like her mind wandering, drawing me in. One of the few times I've read something and I don't know what you mean at all, but at the same time I know exactly what you mean.

The twist at the end was foreshadowed, but didn't have the impact I thought it would. I knew that she was just completely absorbed and had missed her chance to escape, but I had trouble knowing if she was imagining her drawing her in or he really grabbing her and holding her close. Maybe a description of the sensation of his arms around her would have made this a little clearer.

I really like the your poetic writing, some of the lines resemble lyrics more than anything.

I liked that. The way the girl lost herself seemed to take me with her. I particularly liked how the tone of the stories changed. It seemed like the monster gave her a chance to escape..and when she failed to realize it, decided to ensnare her further. Almost makes him less monstrous. The only suggestion I could make would be to expand on the girl's feelings during the first story. We get the feeling that she is content...but if it is made as close to bliss as possible, the shock of it ending would be even more abrupt, causing her to dive back into it with even more abandon. All in all, a very nice, short piece.

I've been meaning to get around to reading some more of your stuff, but I've been hunched over the keyboard spending much of my free time working on a new novel. I've found your feedback to be useful, so I hope I can be of some help here.

Some of the initial description seems overly wordy. I think I get the impression you're trying to give, but I suppose I've never really been a fan of long winded passages of description or the very colourful stuff. Personal preference, I guess.

"He painted palaces before her as he talked, secret gardens and hidden grottos. Dancing shapes, eddies in the mist. The sensible became insensible, the dissonant faded to obscurity. All that mattered was before her, the eternity of the future replaced by the mesmerizing promise of the present."

I did really like that part, however. That's about the only thing I can state with confidence. I'm not particularly confident in my knowledge of writing to offer too much critique, as I really wouldn't want to steer you wrong.

I can say that I liked this, though. It's something you could definitely expand on, if you wanted to. It does remind me a lot of the whole vampire thing, though, in just the way the guy acts. And I guess you see that too, from the author's note.

One final bit.

"His voice seemed to shimmer in the air, growing and fading, oscillating and vibrating in a harmonious cascade. A gossamer web of majestic fantasy and intangible dreams - but oh, how heartbreakingly close they seemed now. She leaned forward, enthralled."

I'm sure you've heard that saying 'show, don't tell.' I've become a bit obsessed with it of late, so perhaps that's why I'm picking this out, but the last bit about being enthralled set off alarm bells in my head, so to speak.

It just seems the sort of place where you could possibly show, instead of just stating that she was enthralled. Kind of seems at odds, after having all this description, to just say that she was enthralled.

But yeah, just my slightly incoherrent and not very confident thoughts on this piece.