Reviews for The Legend of Kitty McKay

Viofor
2008-02-20
ch 1,

abuseBravo! I loved it! Honestly, I wasn't expecting such a captivating first chapter. The way you write is amazing and I feel like Platte Falls really exists. You weave history and emotions, thoughts and events with such clarity. I don't think there was a single passage where I was left in the dark. This is a very vivid and lively chapter.

"She pushed all though of Logan Andrews out of her mind."
I think that should be 'thoughts'?

If this is a first draft then it is amazing. I would make recomendations on cleaing it up a bit though. A few words could use omitting to help the story along. I noticed in one part it lost some 'flow'

"A light pink blush crept onto Kitty’s cheeks and she smiled secretively."

By this time I'm drawn into the story. Thanks to your excellent descriptions I've got a very good idea of whom Kitty and Amelia are. 'light pink blush crept' is a long winded description for such a simple statement. 'She blushed and smiled' would be a good way to put it. I'm not trying to tell you how to write, simply omitting something I think hinders the 'flow'. With this I can still get the idea that she is deeply embarassed.

The closing of the chapter is very nice! I liked it. You've ended it so well that it has me hooked! What happens next? You've made it so exciting and ended it with such grace. I'm not left in the dark. I know the events are going to get good.

Keep up the good work. I can't wait for the next chapter to post.

My only advice would be to omit needless words.

Shadows in the Fire
2008-02-16
ch 1,

abuseNice. Real nice. And a WESTERN--that's neat.

Very well written. I love the history tied in.

-Shadow

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