I love all the metaphors and similes, particularly the one about the circus whip, and not just because it reminds me of panic! at the disco.

The paragraph at the end, though, seemed forced; story story story MORAL. Maybe I'm just anti-morals, but it seemed very sudden, and stood out unnecessarily.

Great descriptions, though, and I must compliment you once again on you comparisons. Beautiful.

Hmm...not your best work, I'd say. I don't know what the problem is, but it's just...different.

This line is a little dodgy: 'Yes!Come on, fireworks!' Not to mention you forgot the space after the exclamation mark -gasp-.

But either way, I like the descriptions!