Reviews for Numbered Lithograph

Midnight In Eden
2008-02-11
ch 1,

abuseNow I know the jorio is your "poetic cubism" but I think the one flaw in it is that you go by words instead of syllables or sounds. This is because, and it's particularly evident in this piece, if you use four one syllable words in one line and then four three syllable words in the next the rhythm of the piece is completely lost. I found that this was what happened with L2 and L3 in your first stanza. The third line was quite awkward in a stanza that was otherwise flawless.

My other comment is in regards to capitals. As you do have such short lines that play with enjambment a lot the constant capitals at the beginning of each line is distracting. I'd just recommend capitalising proper nouns and the first word of each sentence which brings me to my next point: punctuation. You have a comma and a semi colon but I think fully punctuating this piece would, aesthetically and rhythmically, finish it off.

Those quibbles aside, I like this. It's simple and well expressed with some good imagery. Kudos for that.

Midnight

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