Reviews for Ode To Travis Bickle

Midnight In Eden
2008-03-02
ch 1,

abuseFew technical thoughts:

1. Stanzas. Just to give this some structure and break up some of the tangents.
2. Line length. The second line, in my opinion, could easily be cut in half to give this more of an even flow.
3. Repetition - L3&4. I don't think the first "You could never sleep" is necessary.
4. Spelling errors - "stomache" should be "stomach", campain" should be "campaign" and do you mean "Masada" on the last line?
5. Keep your capitalisation consistent. Either capitalise the beginning of each sentence or don't.
6. The last four lines, in my opinion, should be one sentence. The periods before and after "eat the respidol" feel like they should be commas.

Overall feelings:

It's interesting... Not terribly gripping but there are good phrases and an overall cohesiveness that makes this quite a great deal better than some of the other stuff on FP.

Good luck,
Midnight

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