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| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 19,  | abuseHm...I didn't realize there was enough between Savage and the girl wit hteh long name I refuse to type...developement between characters, between the characters and their scenes, the emotions and the characters...you're going to much for implied everywhere with this. Slow down when you write, think about how these characters are related instead of furthering the plot. Subplots will be easoer this way, and subplots are part of what make a story enjoyable. |
| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 18, | abuseOh, another HUNTER very nice. This chapter was fine. I still dislike that they're short...but this one could likely stand alone...or be combined with the last chapter. |
| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 17, | abusemuch more interesting...but you could still use foreshadowing. Like maybe some dissenance in the company that would make Arsineous' abrupt disappearance portend more. Also- acquaintance is not spelled accuianted(that was bugging me ^^;) |
| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 16, | abuseyeah, combine this chapter with the last one. Much more of a hook. Talk more after actions...like talking. Thoughts, simple details, these really help. |
| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 15, | abuseAs a warning, your chapters are a little to short- okay, a lot. You could expound SO MUCH and have the reader hooked on the plot and characters. |
| TragicKitty 2008-05-10 ch 14, | abuseWhoa...dizy. What just happened? One moment they're in the midst of war...then this. A little more hints in this chapter would help... a little more play between "Noah" and "Elizabeth" might help as well...since one moment Fox is jealous and the next he's married...which would make a good romance novel if played correctly. |
| Stray Child 2008-04-23 ch 19, | abuseNice, I really liked this chapter, though it seemed that he got over the missing limb quickly XD well, update soon please! |
| Stray Child 2008-04-19 ch 18, | abuseAnd I would like to add an extra DUN DUN DUN at the end please. -Claps- I liked this chapter a lot, was that actual German, like you can actually speak it? Nice, I can't even do spanish class, I got kicked out...don't ask...though I got english down perfect! Well, until next Chapter! |
| Stray Child 2008-04-09 ch 17, | abuseWell, I don't think you beat the time, but the chapter made up for it. NICE! I love paintball! So, with cousin jumping around and yelling at me to help them, I bid you adios, but update soon, 'kay? |
| Stray Child 2008-04-07 ch 16, | abuseHmm, very interesting, someone knows the little secret, only question is...who? (dun dun dun) lol. I'm just playing, nice chapter, liked it lots! Fair update time...can you beat it? Lets see, on your mark...get set...UPDATE SOON! |
| Stray Child 2008-04-05 ch 15, | abuseSorry, I can't give a long review because my cousins are going crazy on sugar high! but this was a great chapter, please update soon! |
| Stray Child 2008-04-04 ch 14, | abuseWow...that definatley wasn't an end. This is getting better and better! pleas update soon! |
| Stray Child 2008-04-03 ch 13, | abuseAww, is that the end? man, it left some plot ends untied but...okay...it was GREAT anyway! Thanks for making it! |
| hyperfuzzy 2008-03-31 ch 12, | abusecan i join to? this reminds me alitle of V. the whole evil government and all. well good luck with this i expect more soon K?! Salut! |
| TragicKitty 2008-03-30 ch 12, | abuseWow, this reminds me so much of Haddix's Shadow Children series. always gotta love these kind of twists, even if you want to murder the character that came back from the dead... |