For this one, more background would have been really nice. I don't quite understand how everyone's related (are Willian and Markus brothers or friends?) or how Abdul fits in (older brother, boyfriend of the mom(s)?), so... I was lost.

But the parts I got (the game, the fighting) were excellent, as always. It's so true... I fight with my siblings a lot in the car. You can't get away while you're in a moving vehicle. So I just listen to my iPod now.

Anyway, lovely dialogue and detail.

I wish there was another short story for me to read... but there's not. Will you write/post another? Please?

Felicia.

This is a nice little look at two pilots doing their jobs. I really like it. Even though it's short and mostly dialogue, I think it works. There's a great balance of character and the plot action in this story.

You're pretty great at this, you know?

My only complaint is that there's no background on the flight or anything. The way it starts is perfect, but I think I would have liked a little more on the end. Again, the last sentence is quite fitting. As it is, I love this. I can't really think of any good CC right now.

Felicia.

The two perspectives in this were amazing. Mazin's POV at the end seemed a little unnecessary to me until the last line. "After years of strenuous maintenance, it was high time to get rid of her." Amazing way to end the story.

The whole story had a nice timeline. What I mean is that it was paced well and, while it wasn't action-packed, it certainly held my attention through the whole thing.

Honestly, I can't think of any CC right now. Sorry. This is really great.

Felicia.

That's cute. A demon adopted by angels. I really love the idea. My only criticism is that there isn't really a lot of story. There's excellent character development and a real sense of setting (the idea of heaven v. hell is great), but not a lot of conflict or anything.

It was very nice, though. Well written and original. I think I'd like to read more about Kana and Reina... a wonderfully contrasting pair they make.

Good work on this short story! I can't believe it's taken me so long to read it, though. Sorry about the long wait. Hope you're well!

Felicia.

Wow. Um... not sure what to say. In terms of content, it's amazing and twisted and... I don't know. Wonderful. In terms of criticisms, that first paragraph is beastly. If you could divide it up into smaller paragraphs, it'd read so much easier. Right now, it's just this huge chuck of text. And foreboding.

I'm a bit confused. The internal ramblings of Ahmad's head are a little... disjointed. It's weird and hard to tell where he's going with anything. Or if he is going anywhere with what he's thinking.

And he mentioned a twin... except I thought that was Aamina, only she's a lot younger than him... and I'm confused. If you could explain... it'd help a lot, I think.

Really, though, this is great. Face value... I'd give it 8.5 stars. Excellent job on this. I wonder if the stories are interrelated...

Felicia.