Now how come I didn't see these sooner? Hm.

Sad, but quite true. Unfair, but once again, quite true.

This is really good. Simple and to the point. I love it. Keep writing.

MOUSE

I don't get it, and trust me, coming from me that says a lot.
I get things, I've been places, I've done stuff, I've taken classes, I've passed the exam, I've done my time. And yet, I don't get it. What is it? The first half is a bunch of drunks and druggies taking part in a dead metaphor. The second half is some fragmented lines that don't seem to relate.

The first half isn't bad, at least the first two lines are ok... though the third is weak at best. The second half needs a lot of reworking, or mostly it needs to fit the tone of the first half. You can't talk about boozers littering the pavement and then stop speaking English all together... or well, you can, but you're not ready to.

To true, sadly.

Rowan.