Reviews for Slave Days - FictionPress.com

LaCharlatan
2008-03-03
ch 1,

abuseTook me a couple reads, but I have to admit, I read the review first and I think I get what you did. You took a continuing sentence and broke it down to poem form: "Black was meant to mean the most abysmal death, violent crime, lower than dirt..."
This seemed to insinuate that when they called a person "Black" or if a person happened to be "Black", it was as worse than any "violent crime" or "abysmal death" to the mind of the white people of that era.
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Also, when you said "without the hope came the breaking of the soul and swallowed by the black..." it made me think and wonder; did you mean by being "swallowed by the black" being so caught up in the color issue or what others make an issue...? Or am I on a whole 'nother page?
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Oh well, I don't know and it doesn't matter because it was still a well written poem and makes a person stop and think. Wish I'd read it sooner! Sorry for the xtra long review!

simpleplan13
2008-02-25
ch 1,

abuseNice alliteration in the first line

Black was meant to mean the most... this confused me because black mean the least now? plus the meant to mean thing sounded odd

To endure because without the hope came the.. endure doesn't really imply having hope.. I might look for a new word there

Breaking of the soul and swallowed by the black... using black there seems odd since it's about blacks.. maybe dark?

And the light thing later one.. the idea that black is bad and light is good doesn't really seem like an appropriate metaphor for this piece.. although it is well written

I love the metaphor about life and the phrase "blood-stained yesterdays"

Not liking the repetition of children.. I'd just say generation and put the appreciate on that line because by itself is odd

I love the last line.. it asks a really great question... the whole piece makes a beautiful statement and is well done

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