Reviews for The Feminine Mystique of Erato at Midnight

Reviews For: The Feminine Mystique of Erato at Midnight

fairytale failure 2008-03-10 ch 1,	abuseI liked how you broke this up with punctuation between the sections; it gives the reader a chance to breathe and re focus for the next paragraph. I found it very difficult to understand what you meant in the big picture - but maybe that's not the point? Your word choice and descriptions were great but I felt like it was not very cohesive. 'He found me there, raining but that only adds to me as a figment of his imagination.' Not sure what you meant there, was it raining outside or were you raining? 'He did it again, hands and wrists clasped against my will' again, the meaning is slightly unclear. I think you meant that his hands are clasping your will (i.e. so you can't do what you want) but in the phrasing it sounds a bit like his hands were clasped around something else, against your will. 'I whipped my egg whites and ate omelets of emotion until my stomach rejected. Something so neutral inside...' Odd to end the sentence with 'rejected,' it sounds like you should either add 'then' after 'rejected' or take out the period, if that's what you meant.
simpleplan13 2008-02-29 ch 1,	abuseI though a long fuck... thought I like this a lot... the whole interspersing it with a current conversation is really great and I love the second to last line... I also liked the whole more layers the better vs. is less more One thing the sestina being six words of purity... i wanted to know what they were... I couldn't figure out what six words were... plus it seemed odd that you would've only ever said 6 words to him... maybe im taking it too literally? I also loved the line "we might've really fucked it up with perfect unity." I'm not so great and reviewing prose so Im sorry if this review wasn't very good.. lol
doctor's diagnosis 2008-02-23 ch 1,	abuseWow. That's intense. You write with such an intensity that I've never seen before. It's in short, amazing. I really don't know what to say. I wont say it's perfect, because there's probably things you see wrong with it. But, gosh. You write like you're just talking. But talking in metaphors. I love it.

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