again, something i can relate to. i can totally understand the hiatus from writing. i have just in the past two days gotten back to it all of the sudden. hope you write again soon. :D

konban wa

Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm not a fan of rhyming -- can't stand it except in very extreme circumstances... now being a prime example. This sounded so--so--so... I don't even know. But I do know that it wouldn't have had that same innocent, beautifully poetic quality to it without the rhyme scheme. Beautiful. Just outstanding. I am sitting here in awe.

Ha det
-Shan-

[ favorite]

Yes, I'm not so sure about the diction of the poem. It's good to try to bring in a variety of words rather than your plain, old, overused words, but at the same time, it does nothing if you don't use them right. And it's not even a matter of using the words "wrong", persay, they just feel very out of place sometimes in context with the rest of the poem. Rhyming was equally distracting ..

Great job with imagery. I never felt too connected with the protagonist, but from the surface this was a lovely poem. Keep writing, k.

The rhyming was too forced, and then it stopped, and then at the end it was there again. That was a little weird and threw off the poem.