:) is me again!
sorta. well anyways, im gona review this... *Ahem
so. i really like the sparse/simple language you used. Somethings that jumped out at me (in a semi bad way) was the touch part
and the listening at the end
maybe if you're rejected you'd want someone's touch?
and the word listening- i feel that for the end, you'd want something like yearning/straining for something that wouldnt be there.


but overall it was really good :)
-artificial destiny

I like it.. the idea of being a child again is nicely done and I like the part about the rainstorm... also I enjoy the fact that we don't have the background and can interpret it our way and apply it to our lives

A few ideas though..
When you repeat the one touch and one tear.. maybe italicizing the second one? I think that might give it some more emphasis
Also I'd go back and look at your punctuation because it's really good in some places but it looks like you forgot other sports (like the two lines beginning with could)

Good luck with improving it like you said you want to.. i know that can be hard..

PS If you're bored today check out the review game's review marathon... there's a link in my profile

Honestly, I don't think this was poorly written at all. I feel you expressed this extremely well. I do agree; however, that the ears coming in are a bit...random(not sure thats the right word but oh well you get the picture). It kinda confused me a little, and the mental picture i had of this piece changed a bit...or might I say blurred a bit. Overall this is really good!
added to my favorites.
~angel953

my personal advice: be worse at writing, you're hogging up all the amazingness

=]

it was GREAT, i could relate... hehehehhehe.

xoxoxoxox

~red