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| sara 2008-04-17 ch 8, anon. | abuseah!! why isn't it finished?? |
| ravenurse 2008-04-15 ch 8,  | abusewhen's it going to get scary? |
| ravenurse 2008-04-15 ch 5, | abuseinteresting chapter, but since you are writing in first person why are you using the mother's name instead of just mom? "Marilia covered her eyes with her hands and wept." |
| ravenurse 2008-04-15 ch 4, | abuseIf she was really scared, she would have relocked the door, and if people were in her house that's just plain stupid to not call the police, and she didn't even relock the door after that, either it just doesn't make sense or she's one dumb chick |
| ravenurse 2008-04-15 ch 2, | abuse“Selena, it’s your brother. He’s been murdered. I froze. “Not again.” I whispered. My grip on the phone loosened and the phone clattered to the ground. that doesn't sound right, like her brother has died before? other than that good chapter. |
| NightWolfMoon 2008-04-10 ch 8, | abusethat's good! keep going! :):):):):):):):):):) |
| NightWolfMoon 2008-04-03 ch 7, | abusepretty good. update soon please! |
| Anonymous xx 2008-04-03 ch 7, | abuseThis chapter was good! I don't know why but I loved it when you said "Attached to the shadow wsa a pair of feet" I thought that was just a cool way of phrasing that. I dont know if you noticed but the first line was repeated. Good job!! But one thing, she could've broken a window even though they were locked. But overall it was really good! |
| RAND0M-KiDD 2008-03-21 ch 6, | abuseI LOVED IT! CANT WAIT TO READ MORE!! :] |
| Anonymous xx 2008-03-21 ch 6, | abuseIt was good! I can't wait to read some more. |
| NightWolfMoon 2008-03-20 ch 6, | abusethis is good! keep going please! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) |
| View from the Windowsill 2008-03-19 ch 6, | abuseVery well written, with a few minor corrections this could be even better. I was a little bit confused at first but then I got the plot line. Not exactly scary but good all the same. LL |
| Star Fox 45 2008-03-19 ch 3, | abuseso far this is a really great story! i'm gonna try to finish reading it tonight! |
| theV 2008-03-07 ch 5, | abuseThis is quite an expected. Mom as suspect! Was the hand real? Fresh with blood? I guess it must be or Selena's breakfest won't be down the toilet. But, why didn't she call the policy if it was a really bloody hand? |
| Anonymous xx 2008-03-06 ch 5, | abusethis was really good! Again, it went kind of fast, but Im excited to read more! You changed tenses at the end, but thats fixable. |