 S. M. Saves 2008-02-18 . chapter 1Based on the majority of the poem, it seems to have a rhyming scheme but early in the piece the ending words of lines three and four did not rhyme ("tops" and "caps"). This broke the rhythm. Line two (stanza two) I believe it's "I've run" not "I've ran" (don't worry, that's a common grammar mistake).
"Floors creaking like the floors of a haunted house" floors and floors seems a little redundant. Maybe try "Floors creaking like those of a haunted house"?
"Broken picture frames scattered all over the walls" This line was confusing. Are parts of the frames still hanging on the walls? Maybe try "Broken picture frames still hanging on the walls".
The poem needs a little bit of work but I'm sure you'll be able to find ways to perfect it. |