Reviews for Shattered Dreams - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Shattered Dreams

helixdown 2008-05-14 ch 3,	abuseAlas! An update! I've been waiting for one of these! Very nice piece of work you've got here, it's quite enjoyable. And i love your sense of humor, comic relief is always good in a dramatic story like this. Well, just an overall 'nother good chapter, hope to see another update soon!
Heatless Flame 2008-03-19 ch 2,	abuseGood chapter again, but there were a couple things. For example, the battle was excellent, but was it needed? Other than to show his new wolf-ability thing. Also, you often put the characters speech into the same paragraph. They need to be seperated. The beginning, although it is very good description, is kind of an infodump. Slip in bits about thier appearance through the chapter. Well, Good job! I'll check up later.
Swiftstriker 2008-03-19 ch 2,	abuseThe only problem I found is that you sometimes have dialogue from two characters in one paragraph. And this is just me but I think it looks better if you don't use bold lettering when someone shouts. Other than that it seems really good to me. I'll be back later to check for updates.
helixdown 2008-03-19 ch 2,	abuseThis story is really good, and i can already get a rmoancy feel between the two, i love it when the main characters are underdogs, it just makes it so much more interesting as they progress. The only think i can really correct you on is that you have some verb confusion, like at one time it'll be in the past then in the present, I honestly don't mind because its still understandable, but for the sake of critical readers you might want to correct that. Other than that, i like this chapter, and i hope you update soon! from a fellow writer ~Helixdown
Rigena 2008-03-18 ch 1,	abuseI think it's a great start with a lot of potential. The Japanese names (as I said earlier) limit your audience to anime loving kids, although this is fantasy, you want to be able to attract the comic book type loving americans too. I still think you should change your name, but be my guest and do as you wish. I really like the concept and your level of description. It isnt harry potter style where you go into huge detail about things, but it's just enough to give you an idea of the surroundings, reactions, and overall feel of the environment. You've got lots of talent, keep it up and keep it interesting. =]
RomanCommander 2008-03-06 ch 1,	abuseThanks a ton for the review! I love the description in this story. Though I feel the demon was a tad overdone. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to an update!
helixdown 2008-03-06 ch 1,	abusehey thanks for the review, this is a good story so far, very fluent and dramatic, and i haven't found a single mistake (not that i looked for them, lol) Very good, keep up the good work, and yes, i guess the world could turn put like in Caged Bird, but you'll probably end up taking back those words, i just couldn't help but put some fantasy in that story, well, just so you know, its my 1st, so its not all so much of a stable story, but my next should be better. Anyway, really like where this is going, and i hope you update soon! from a fellow writer ~Helixdown
Swiftstriker 2008-03-06 ch 1,	abuseAs this is just the prologue I can't say very much aside from that it shows a lot of potential. But it was a good short read for me. I can see why you liked the concept of Dark Hunters
Heatless Flame 2008-02-19 ch 1,	abuseHey! Thanks for the review, and here we go. I like the basic facts, and you told it well. Description was excellent, although you may have slightly overdescribed the demon. Its effects on the girl, the whole fear thing, was very well done. I can't wait to read on!

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