Reviews for Jamie and the War

Reviews For: Jamie and the War - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Stella Luella Chick 2008-06-22 ch 3,	abuseWhoa. Chapters two and three are greatly improved! :) I think you could've been a bit more descriptive in chapter two when the two men suddenly appeared, but eh. You've gotten a lot better. Only one thing I noticed was in chap two when Jamie and Fletcher were talking about her dress...the paragraph of speech by Fletcher was a run-on. XD Anyway, good job. I retract my comment about this reading for children. XD At least, for these two chapters. :P
Stella Luella Chick 2008-06-22 ch 1,	abuseAunt Laura's...er, speeches...seem inconsistent. She doesn't speak with contractions–"Do not pretend that you do not know..."– yet uses words like "na" and "ta". "“Where are you goin’?” Fletcher asked[,] already knowing full well where Jamie planned to go.”" –– There should be a comma. "“Are you so sure about that? Last I remember, your wonderful father Laird MacKendrick ordered that you not go outside tha keep without an escort after sunset...”" –– Was "tha" intentional? "Sure, she thought, sweet as [a] bundle of prickly nettles." –– "A" was needed. "“Fine. I you may escort me.”" –– Minus the "I". ""...your father’s land is close to them because his land boarders the north channel..."" –– "Boarders" should be "borders." Okay, as I mentioned earlier, the dialogue is weird. They all speak without contractions such as "I'd", "don't", etc., yet use dialect like "na" and drop off some letters like "forgettin'"...yet not always or even often. I just think that if they really had accents and such it'd pop out more. And nobody really uses un-contracted words in normal speech. The scene towards the end where they are interrupting each other needs more punctuation. Well, this was...a tad boring. It reads more for children than for teens, as the rating implies. Jamie, or whatever her name is (XD), doesn't seem to be "seventeen summers" old. Rather, she seems a pre-teen/13 at most. Wow, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. That was not my intention. I'm merely letting you know my opinion...which probably counts for nothing. XD
Mari Knickerbocker 2008-06-19 ch 3,	abusewell this has fully captured my attention seeing as i'm irish meself and i can agree, irish men are not human they are a different breed all together. i wonder how Jamie will get along with this Rory MacBride and i hope Fletcher hasn't exited the story line for good
Danii 2008-06-18 ch 1,	abuseoh my god, i just relized why you always notice my mistakes lol you an editor!! Ha, I think editors make really good writers just because well lets just admit, they make no mistakes! and you proved me right, great job. I hope you keep commenting my stories, keep up the good work!
Angel-Leigh Jones 2008-06-03 ch 3,	abusehiya i liked this chapter as well. I am sort of wondering if its Rory that Jamie may like later on. With teh beta's how does it all work? can't wait for a update angel
Angel-Leigh Jones 2008-06-03 ch 2,	abusehiya i liked this chapter it was really nice. Will there be a romance between Jamie and Fletcher? Great writing angel
Angel-Leigh Jones 2008-06-03 ch 1,	abusehi i thought i would return the favour of you reviewing my story Haven. I gotta say well done your story sounds and is very scottish. I hope you keep writing because i really like this story. Thank you for the honour. :) angel
Chancel Jordan 2008-05-28 ch 3,	abuseYou're really coming along well with this story! The inflection comes through for the characters with your dialogue without being unreadable (phonetically). You've upped the suspense in Chapter Three. Hope to read more soon!
Cecilyatheart 2008-04-17 ch 1,	abuseI did na know you had a story up! Three cheers! Let the ale flow! I think we should consider Fletcher to be an oafy orge's arse. Nay? Well done, I'm looking forward to chapter 2. BTW, eyes watching is so scary, well done there.
A. M. Baugh 2008-04-01 ch 3,	abuseI like how she's potrayed as a good person. Even the person who harmed her protector and was going to kill him, she care abotu his well being too. I like characters like. ^_^ Now Rory sounds interesting too, but at the same time I'm worried about what's goign to happen to poor Fletcher...
A. M. Baugh 2008-04-01 ch 2,	abuseI like the chemistry between Fletcher and Jaime, was he a member of the keep before he became a warrior there? It seems liek they've got a bit of backstory from the way they act with one another. The only things I can possibly find wrong here is that there are no paragraphs and that battle scene came and went so quickly i wasn't really sure what had happened. It's written almost like a poem, with lines. I'd suggest stringing some of it together to form the paragraphs. Even though it's not a block of text for a moment it seems that way. As for the battle scene in there, maybe descripe more or make it a little more obvious that those guys were coming. I knew there were people watching her and one minute she's after a deer and suddenly there are two armored men barreling down on them. It's just a little confusing. Beyond that the story seems to be going swimmingly. Can't wait to read the next bit.
A. M. Baugh 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseThis is pretty good. It kind of reminds me of Everlasting (can't remember who it's by but it takes place in england and scotland) I liked how you showed that she is a bit of a rebel, not terribly so, but just the right kind. I would like to point out that the word 'thrashing' seems more like jerking and flailing. When Aunt Laura is saying that she's keeping her from the 'Thrashings' she deserves, maybe try replacing that with 'lashings' instead and see how it sounds to you. XD When I read that, the first thing that popped into my head was the main having a seizure. Beyond that, the only other thing is that in the beginning the paragraphs are perhaps two lines each. Maybe try and bulk them up a bit?
scarletlady77 2008-03-17 ch 3,	abuseThis is excellent. Again- the use of language dialect is perfect. You may be a budding Mark Twain. I also like your choice of descriptive adjectives, they are changed up frequently enough to keep things interesting. That keeps it from feeling bland, the fresh vocabulary. If I had any criticism I would give it, but I like the story as is. Keep up the good work!
tffny012 2008-03-16 ch 3,	abuseso cute!
Saoirse Devan 2008-03-04 ch 3,	abuseit was good. only two things really popped out at me. it was never really said that Jamie had a bow and quiver so that kinda was confusing at first. then my second thing was it's easier to understand who is speaking if you keep their actions and words in the same paragraph. otherwise i really liked it! i can't wait until your next update!

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