Reviews for The London Vampires

Reviews For: The London Vampires - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

lostlotus 2008-06-10 ch 18,	Awesome story!
Mayu-San-Sakura 2008-06-07 ch 18,	Cool.
Naomi Chick 2008-06-01 ch 17,	Great chapter. Whoa! Almost getting attack by a bunch of worms. Scary. I can't for the next chapter.
Mayu-San-Sakura 2008-06-01 ch 17,	Cool, was the beam just over powered with spiritual energy or was that her own special ability?
Cheecaeks 2008-05-31 ch 1,	One of the worst openings a book can give is an opening about the scenery. Push the main character into an action for the hook, don't explain the sunny day. A lot of telling instead of showing. You tell us that a couple of boys to have a barbeque with them. You should show that a couple of boys are doing this. You also say "I felt like I didn't fit in though." Show that she doesn't fit in. I've lost interest as of now. You're telling me too much, and I'd rather see the progression of the characters unfurl itself. Try a different setting than just a campfire as your opening scene. Try a different hook. Try showing and not telling. Your grammar is fine, but your pacing, story-telling and openings need work. These are my opinions. You are the author, you have the ultimate descisions.
Naomi Chick 2008-05-31 ch 16,	Great chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Mayu-San-Sakura 2008-05-31 ch 16,	Cool, update soon.
Mayu-San-Sakura 2008-05-30 ch 15,	Cool, update soon.
Naomi Chick 2008-03-30 ch 14,	Great chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Katherine-the-greate 2008-03-12 ch 14,	hm...er.. nice work...I think...kind of--okay I won't lie. this was not your best chapter. It really doesn't flow that well and sometimes less description or more fluent discription is better. this chapter seemed really choppy. Kind of like 'move here, then there, oh! and then sit there, and then jump really really high-bam.' I hope this helps some. Update soon. =] I wonder who it is under the mask...
Creative Destruction 2008-03-11 ch 13,	So I read another story you have and I wasn't going to read this one but I figured I would just in case and I LOVE IT! :D So glad I decided to read it and I can't wait for another update!
Phoebesmom 2008-03-08 ch 13,	I dont think the title is corny. I think fine the way it is. By the way great update. :O)
maleableMAID 2008-03-08 ch 1,	Hi. . . this is the first time I've read a vampire fiction because I only just got into it after my friend kept nagging me about ANNE RICE's novels BUT i have been a massive fan of books and many great e-fictions, and may i just say that before i dive into sort of fictions or not, i would study them, i would research the subject of a story before actually reading any of it. I'm just wondering if you've done the same. Your beginning wasn't that great. I'm sorry to have delivered it so bluntly but its pure honesty. The first sentence was fine but wholly, by that I mean the paragraph did not at all match your first words. First paragraphs were suppose to lure readers to continue on but yours. . lets just say that it lacked knowledge in literacy. The second and third sentence annoyed me the most, you repeated what was meant to be said, just using different words. But ofcourse I continued on, ignoring the mistakes in the first paragraph to see pass the errors, I mean not everyone can be perfect right? As I read and read, I unconsciously ignore the fact that you tell and not show. But I couldn't be ignorant of it anymore towards the end because it just got from bad to worse, maybe even worst. Is it because as you were nearing the end of the chapter and you've decided to rush it and quickly post it up here? If ever thats the case, any writer should never do that, a rushed and unedited work is just a mere disaster. Reading and writing isn't just a thing for leisure, its a way of education, a way of teaching actually. By telling the readers what your characters are doing, its not actually making them think, its just their eyes going through the pages, it does nothing to enhance their creativity and thinking abilities. However if you show/describe what was happening then they would have to think, it would exercise the muscles of their brains, you would not only have the pleasure of delivering your imagination to others but you're actually helping them to be smarter. Lastly, can i just say that humans cannot be simply turned into a vampire just because they survived a vampire's bite. Like what I've said, I've researched a lot about the subject so i would know a fair amount. A human must drink a vampire's blood to turn into a vampire. Just think about vampires having blood transmitted disease, if they bite someone and ALMOST bled them dry, it doesn't mean that they've caught the vampire's disease because its not transported through saliva, BUT if the vampire was actually injured and was bleeding (his own blood in his mouth) during the feeding then ofcourse thats when their blood intertwine and the prey becomes diseased.
Katherine-the-greate 2008-03-07 ch 13,	aww,I'm a little sad. I was hoping for the fight to be this chapter-sighs- oh well. I'll just have to see it next chapter. there are a few spelling errors in this chapter. the only one i remember off the top of my head right now because it is really really late and i have NO brain power is- 'his smiled curled...' thanks for posting =]
Katherine-the-greate 2008-03-04 ch 12,	another great chapter. I can't wait to see where their relationship takes them and how the fight goes. thanks for posting so soon. here are some simple errors I found: -I was to stay in here long enough till the -would crack with pressure-under the pr -access on who was - to wh -Your mother and father wishes to speak -life I’ve had girls surround to my every need -I didn’t treat him any way besides despise his -pick one verb -Oh, Lucifer.” The queen sighed. “What have we done wrong?” “We haven’t done anything wrong dear.” The king comforted the queen-is the king's name Lucifer too? -hand, to stop -take out the comma -What I was scared, was fighting- scared 'of'

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