This is going to be your fourteenth review...four higher than ten so you have to update, it's only fair. I really like this story so far, it's really funny and cute. The main character is different from the usual kind and that makes him all the more interesting. I wonder if counting is a compulsion for him? Is it a psychological thing or does he just like to count? Oh well, he's really interesting either way. :)

I find Marcus a very interesting character and I like were this is going. I'm very interested in seeing where you take this so make sure to update soon :)

No offence or nothing... Well actually... I mean total offence! WTF was that **?!? This is the biggest disgrace to writing that I have ever seen. I mean... I thought I was bad but... come on! How could you have possibly been thinking that this was good work? Were you high or something seriously? Even if I get high I would never post such an utter disgrace to writing.

Ooh. This is interesting.
Couple of minor errors - near sightedness not sidedness (though I think that may be one of those things that isn't actually a word anyway, but needs to be for the sake of it making sense.)Also a few lack of capital letters and mistakes with the 'enter' button. I'm picking at these, because the rest of it was great.
Author notes mid story annoy me intensely, but that's just me.

I really like the use of 'mostly' all the way through - great device - links everything really tightly. The whole thing has a style or narrative voice which strongly reminds me of something. What springs immediately to mind is the sort of tight humour and suspense of everything about to go awry of the Desperate Housewives narrator, but I know I only get that feeling from that because it reminds me of something else I can't identify.

The only bit that didn't entirely work for me with the disconnected narrative, was the switch over to 'action' and actual relation with the characters, where you did it. There very, very first event we see is Marcus coming, and I think because the fact that he says Caleb's name is so important it kind of becomes laboured and unnatural within the flow.
I think because you purposefully distanced us from the act by describing his building enthsiasm yet remaining impartial (very disconnected feeling - kudos), it seems really incredulous (which I can see is at least partly the point). For me, this is the vital point where you make the switch from description to real-life action and the words themselves don't quite fit - I'm not convinced by them. The rest of the dialogue is great, but I don't think this works, and it's the one bit that really needs to. I dunno... I'm not suggesting you resort to smut (because weirdly I wouldn't call this that)but it needs tweaking and then the whole thing would just sparkle off the page like a little shiney gem.
I hope you see that my gripe is mainly technical (about how you work this event rather than the event itself) and very pedantic. Overall a good introduction, great character (we only really know Marcus as yet) and promises a great plot. I hope this was helpful and you don't take offence. I'd really like to read more.
Take care,
Zeb

I Already Love This Story! Please Update Soon!

Muhaha! You've inspired me to finally get an account here on Fictionpress :) I've been checking periodically to see if you've updated and since it's been a while I though I would review again just in case my last one wasn't obvious enough. :P

So yeah, basically I still love the story so far. Characters like Marcus who have little quirks like his just endears them to me for some reason. And the fact that there is (or will be) more boy love just makes it all the better!

Can't wait 'til you update! :D Toodles!

No! The dreaded cliffanger will haunt me for many nights to come! You must update before it is to late!

Intriguing beginning. The story is well-written (with a few grammatical errors, but nothing that actually impedes the reading) and so far Marcus is a cool character. Can't wait for more!

Oh come on! No cliffhangers allowed on the first chapter!! Its a rule made by me... Uh... yeah... And another rule- my review counts as 5. ^_~ So please update! I really want to know what happens next!

You've really caught my attention with this! I can't wait to read more. I like that he corrected his cousin about the leaf raking thing; it made me laugh. I like Marcus so far, very interesting.

LOL! Poor Marcus! But then again, lucky Marcus!

o WOW! this looks really good! Marcus seems like a dork, but a really cool one! and Caleb, man he sounds hot! hope u update soon, i really like the amount of potential within this story!

Oh wow, I wasn't sure if I wanted to read this (your summary leaves quite a bit to be desired... there's just something about it that seems a bit boring, if you get me, no offense) but I love this, and I'm glad I didn't judge it on the summary!

Oh thank god you allow anonymous reviews! I was worried i wouldn't be able to tell you how amazing this is so far! Seriously, I love it. I'm already really into the story and it has barely started :)

I really like your writing style too. The way you describe things, like "tall and muscular but in a basketball, not a football way."
It's different and absolutely lovely!

God, I can't wait to find out who Caleb is! If I check back and this doesn't have a ton of reviews I might just add the other nine reviews so I can find out faster!

ps. Apologies for the overuse of the exclamation mark :)