I liked the first scene of your story! It made me feel like I was on the actual scene of a murder. I think the story is good compared to many others out there. I'm happy that you didn't make the character another sad lonely stranger, with only small grammatical errors.

Okay, so first of all I must praise the concept. It's one of the more unique fantasy plots I've seen, but all the names just confused me, especially in the beginning, without more of an explanation. Also, you never said who Lionel was. It seemed like he just disappeared. Also, in this quote, you made it sound like the blood was streaming up her arm. Was it? When you said it, I originally thought thy were in soem kind of shackles or something:

"Looking down at my hands, I saw the maroon shade start to stream down my forearm and then begin to stain up the shirt that reached the middle of my arm. Seeing this, I looked down at who was laying there, motionless, cold. His body was drenched in dark colors, and his cloths, barely hanging there."

Overall, I think maybe if these things were made clearer it would be one of my favorite stories on this site.