FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-02-21 ch 1,  | abuseI love the last two lines about lying to yourself...it reminds me of my piece harmless if you wanna check it out Anyhow.. the rhyming is this piece is nice as well and I like the repetition and I can definitely relate to it |
| angel953 2008-02-21 ch 1, | abuseThis is really good. I know the feelings in this exactly. I really liked the last two lines where you said "I think I lied to myself/Over and over again." It really captures the reader I think. (Nice use of vocabulary btw) Honestly I can find nothing that I would change in this. I think it is great as it is. IF I had to pick something, it would be your repitition of "myself", but even there I'm not sure I would change it bc it keeps with the pattern. Sorry if this isn't much help to you on something you could change. |