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| Ernest Bloom 2008-09-06 ch 1,  | abusethis is not my fave of yours. that one line "and are against one another clapping" is too hard to read, abstract, creaky, splintery wordy to my ear, as is recurrence of "(still) against (one another)". but..."tracing their milky waves" is sure swell, though quietest bars opens the possibility of bartenders and beer and might better be "soft-fading, quavering bars" or something...pyres church bells friars seems dubious. do glasses really scrape? |
| Charles Isaiah Mattic 2008-05-07 ch 1, | abuseExcellent job. Despite what others say, I liked the ending. |
| Don't Look Back 2008-02-25 ch 1, anon. | abuseI'm not sure about this poem. It's pretty well written but it also seems--shapeless? I loved the beginning but I think the last lines took away from the poem. It would've been stronger if you had written "These are the times to reminisce, my love" three times. Good images, good poem. Just--keep the point in mind while writing it. That should help with the form. You've got lots of ideas, just remember to sort them out. -Don't Look Back |
| Realilly 2008-02-20 ch 1, | abuseWow. This was actually very good! I thought it would be cheesy but it turned out similar to a poem by Robert Louis Stevenson about far away places - and that is very much a compliment! It's very repetitive at the end, which would normally be annoying but works for this poem. Good job! I look forward to reading other stuff by you. |
| Michelladora 2008-02-20 ch 1, | abuseUh, let me just say WOW. The first two lines just caught me. This is fucking great. I'm adding it to my favourites. This is just wonderful and I love it! VERY great job :) |