Good so far

This is an interesting story. I look foreword to the updates.

Disturbing, and very well done. I'm glad you added the boy feeling like he deserved everything, it really makes the story realistic in a way. I am anxious for the next chapter. Don't give up on this one!

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Dx

I really like this story so far :] The sweet little boy tugs at my heart strings, I'd like to see things work out for him...keep up the good work!

Hello! Here to review once more. ^^

A couple errors I picked up:

Paragraph one: "...it had been nigh on a thousand years since the nights could be described as anything but Winter whilst the days were always hot." (This line was confusing. I think it was just a typo which threw me off, but it may need to be better worded as well).

Towards the end: "The boy hesitated for only a moment before relinquishing the book. It may have been special to him, but Marietta would get Erica one way or another so he may as well succumb to the order." (Since this is third person perspective, it is a little confusing to go into the head of the boy, since Marietta was the only one, up to this point, who's thoughts were being displayed to the reader.)

"He took in the information in slowly. That meant that he was going to be alone for a whole two days! Perhaps he could steal some food. It wasn’t often that both of his guardians left him alone, but he had to admit they were the best days of his life." (Again, perhaps cut those sentences out, or try to re-write them from his mother's POV).

Things I adored:

"The woman was extremely beautiful in spite of her haughty demeanour" (Haughty- nice word choice!)

"The flickering light of the candle illuminated his features. He was quite androgynous. He had feminine, long, thick black lashes that belonged to large, usually wide, scared eyes." (Fantastic description of the boy!)

I'm certainly NOT caring for Marietta. She seems a real witch. She took Erica away from him- so not cool. ;-) Yes, please name the boy!

Over all, I think you did a fair job at writing in third-person and I am waiting on pins and needles for the next chapter to be uploaded.

I love how you are interlacing actual chapters with diary entries. It's a nice touch, very creative.

This diary entry was quite powerful. Not only does it give some needed background information about the world and child (shout outs to global warming, the decrease in population, etc), but the descriptions are marvelous! I now have a clear vision of the "unknown" main character in my mind.

My favorite line was "I think I’d just die if I got hugged… like, a real hug. Can people die from happiness?" (So powerful!) and also, it was a nice touch naming the diary. Love it!

I can't wait for the next update!

Very interesting not the run of the mill type of story. I really like the use of fine detail like simple things like bath water and what color it is and inner voice of the character but, not over used to the point that he sounds whinny and unsympathetic. Also the time frame mentioned is brief and in my mind just tantalizing enough for the reader to know about it and move on almost begging for more detail.

I'd really love to read more it sounds really like it could be very very good instead of just really good.

I really enjoyed the poem at the beginning. Very powerful. First chapter was also good; you give great descriptions. I especially loved how you compared Lucio to the cover figure on Dracula. Looking forward to reading the next installment. Keep up the good work! :)