FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| fatbird33 2008-08-21 ch 1,  | abusei liked that you had slowly as it's own line. it made it more powerful. "spinning round" i think you should delete that line. It makes the poem less serious sounding and the poem could survive with out it. "Uncounsciously spinning" I liked that spinning line. I guess the word choices are better than spinning round? O! i like the slap in the face. nice. nice last line. loved the lines, "Fear, like liquid fire, shooting through my veins, poisoning my perspective on the world." Great insight there. i liked the intense feel of this poem. good job at writing it like that. so it was a very nice poem, and the only thing that i would change is the first spinning round line. maybe just reword it instead of deleting it completley... keep writing! |
| Dreaming Chica 2008-03-29 ch 1, | abuseWow! You have such a way with words! I really like the flow of this poem! And the words you chose really captures the reader! ♥ Dreaming Chica ♥ |
| ForeverxDreaming 2008-03-26 ch 1, | abuseThis is a very powerful piece of work... you captured the emotion of fear, it's so powerful! And of being completely overwhelmed. Great job! -Dreamer |
| Canoegirl42 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abuseThis is a really awsome, powerful piece. I really liked the metaphors you used. Keep up the good work!! |